Test of Faith

The title of my post is what my life feels like. One big test to trust in God and know that everything will turn out okay like it's supposed to.

We got the statements from the business bank account yesterday for the months Jesse was a partner. He was there longer than we thought..he was taken off as a signer on May 15th. Which was the day we found out the doors were locked and the junk hit the fan. Thank God they gave us copies of every check written. I was able to see all the checks written to Jesse. I figured he made about 4,500 or so from our bank statements but he really made 7,600 (I had forgotten we had to pay around $2,000 to get the subaru fixed and out of the shop. A lot of interesting things in those statements...checks written to a pain management doctor, debits for gemstones off of tv, a check to kerr drug for office supplies (office supplies my butt.. it was for that addict's painkillers), a $400 debit at a pharmacy (hmm was that for office supplies too?) and a ton of ATM debits for cash. This is going to be a huge mess with the IRS. Since Jesse was considered a 50/50 partner I'm worried the IRS will hold him accountable for the stuff that was going on as well. I'm praying not. We're trying to do the right thing..we're filing our taxes for every penny that was paid to Jesse. It just turns my stomach. Continued prayers for this situation are so appreciated!

Jesse told me yesterday he hopes our girls always trust him and will come to him for anything because he wants to be everything his dad isn't. He already is. He's a great dad to our girls and they adore him. Even Emmalyn is already daddy's little girl. Yesterday she wouldnt stop crying.. no matter what I did.. Jesse was out working in the yard. Well he came in and picked her up and she stopped crying instantly. He sat on the couch and she snuggled up to him and went to sleep. It was sooo cute but I must admit, I was a bit jealous. I'm the mama and I wasn't who she wanted! lol. I know that made Jesse feel amazing. These girls are his everything.

The other night Emmalyn wouldnt fall asleep (I had her in bed with me) and she was keeping me up..not by crying but just wiggling and making baby sounds. So I scooped her up, laid on the couch with her, & turned on the tv. It was on a christian channel and on there was a show about tithing. I usually turn on Malcom in the Middle or Ghost Hunters or something but I couldnt stop watching. I told Jesse yesterday about this and how I feel convicted to tithe even though we are barely making it. This is the main reason for my title "Test of Faith". I think we are struggling so bad because we don't tithe. God doesnt want you to tithe because he wants or needs the money.. it's all a test. This is what I think anyways. I think he wants to see if we will follow his will and trust that he will provide. So Jesse's next check.. we're taking 10% out first off and sending it to Feed the Children or St. Judes. I hope it still counts since we're not going to church and giving there. I'm sure God doesn't have rules of where it needs to go.. as long as it's helping someone and you're giving with a good heart. I'm also scared of doing this because we NEED every penny...but that's where faith comes in to play. God says he will provide and he never breaks a promise.