I have come to realize

I love my girls... all the same.. with all of my heart. But I have come to find that a part of me is a bit more protective over Clarity. Maybe because she's not the oldest or the youngest... she's the middle baby. Maybe I'm worried about her being lost in the shuffle. I'm not sure but I battled these feelings yesterday. I got all bent out of shape over something that was said about her which probably wasn't said with bad intentions. I stormed around and huffed and puffed all day. Then in typical Frances fashion, I got over it and realized I was probably blowing things way out of proportion. I tend to do that more than I care to admit. I'm just glad I'm one of those people that just goes and cools off before I blow up over nothing. If I can be alone when I'm that upset, I'm good. Jesse has learned when I'm in a "mood" to just leave me alone or he'll be in for a battle. lol. I was all over his case about the bills the other night... it turns out that too much caffeine makes me 'crazy like a bitch' as Jesse says. He tells me this the next day when I couldnt place my finger on why I felt so irritable and had such a headache the night before. I had found a cup of espresso and drank it. I thought he had made it for me, turns out it was his and it had enough espresso to knock a bull out (that's how he drinks it). I'm just glad it didnt make me sick like it usually does. I normally would have puked... instead it just made me grumpy and mean. I guess I'm a mean 'caffeine drunk'. lol. who knew? He said he just let me have my rampage and kept his mouth shut. See.. he's learning!

Once again I have found myself falling off of my blogger train. I can't remember what has gone on since the last time I've posted. Jesse is back from his training (actually he has been since last Wednesday). He's still in training but doing on the job training and learning the ropes of DirecTv with another guy. So far so good. He likes it. This job couldn't have come at a better time. I just keep praying that it's permanent and good to him. He deserves something good! He's trying to find out if he can get Wednesday and Thursday off so he can come with the kids and I to Atlanta. I'm soooo excited! 3 more days and I will be walking into the Gwinnett Arena with Ariel to see the New Kids. I'm so thrilled to share this with her! And then we'll be staying at the Wyndham. I've never stayed in a fancy schmantsy hotel so I'm excited for that too. lol. Normally I would never spend money on a hotel... but with it being in Atlanta, I didn't want to risk going ghetto with my babies.

Everything else is going well. We're all doing good. I'm still job hunting. Mom found a nice job and works 8:30-4:30 Monday through Friday. I think she's happy. I hope so! She deserves to be. I'm glad she's not doing the third shift garbage anymore. And she has weekends off for herself. Woohoo!

He's gone

The girls and I just got back from taking Jesse to meet the guys he travels with for his last few days of training in Greenville, SC. I must say I hate city driving! I hate battling to get on the interstate from a ramp that ends the second you get on it. gah! I made it though, safe and sound. Thank God! lol. So I'll be picking Jesse up Wednesday. The guys decided to carpool and leave one night earlier so they can get some studying in. While he's gone I need to seriously get to work organizing and cleaning this house. Things have been so hectic lately that's one thing I really need to do!

I took the girls to see Grandma & Paw Paw Thursday night. We went over to see them again for a bit Friday morning until they had to leave to take Grandma to a doctor appointment so we spent the rest of the day at Aunt Linda's and the girls played with Brandon. That little man cracks me up. He calls everyone "mommy". He was chasing after Clarity going, "mommy! mommy!". She looked at him like he was nuts and said "I not your mommy". But the girls had a great time seeing him. Emma girl was pretty good. She ate a whole half of a banana while we were there. Obviously I was starving the child. lol. I wanted to get pics of the girls with everyone but wouldnt you know... my camera batteries...dead. Figures. One of these days I will learn to be more prepared.

Ariel has a four day weekend off from school. She doesnt go back until Tuesday. It's nice having her home. Sometimes with her in school, I feel the weeks just blur by. So having these days to spend with her.. I love it. Even if her and Clarity do have their moments of fighting and driving me completely crazy. I dont think I could live without the chaos these three girls bring in my life. No let me rephrase that I KNOW I couldnt!

Emmalyn has just started eating those puff things. She LOVES them! She'll sit in her walker with and just eat & eat & eat them. It keeps her busy and happy and lets me do other things. A happy baby = a happy mama!

Knock on Wood

Shall I say it? More good news? After Jesse got out of doing satellite work he sold his Birdog (a satellite finder). It costs around $400. We knew with him going back into this line of work, this is something he'd have to have. The company he works for allows him to purchase it through them at a bit of a discount and then takes like $50 from each check until it's paid off. That was a relief. But it gets better. He calls me last night and tells me that as of last week they are just going to provide them. He wont get to keep it but that saves us $$. YAY! He also said he *thinks* he got in on time to get a $500 Christmas bonus. I sure hope so! We were both worried about how we were going to give the girls a Christmas. I mean sure I know they'd get gifts from family but as parents you always want to be able to give your babies something yourself. Maybe it's a pride thing. Probably so.

Jess is on his way home & I can't wait until he gets here. He can drive me absolutely crazy but when he's gone, I miss him. I know he's missed me and the girls.. so it will be nice that we can have him home for the weekend. It's going to fly by. Then he'll be gone again all next week. Home for the weekend again and gone the whole week after. Then he'll FINALLY be done with training and be able to go to work.

Jesse's going to work on my van this weekend. He thinks it may just be a battery problem. That would be nice! We'll see. I've decided I'm renting a van to go to Atlanta though. Just in case. 19 more days and counting....

Good news... Bad news...

Let's start with the bad news. The bad news is my van won't start. Everytime I go to crank it, it makes a click click click click click noise. Not good. My dad thinks it's the starter. wonderful. We'll see what happens from here. I'm not sure how it will be fixed or where we will get the $$. Thank God my parents are here... that's all I know.

Now on to the news that brought me great joy to read. lol. I was doing a search on Jesse's biological donor (he is not a father in my opinion). All I was really googling for was to try to find out if that business sold or not. I'm praying he is stuck with it and with his house that he took two mortgages out on. I know that's mean... I just hate how he always gets away with every bad thing he does and has no remorse whatsoever. Anyhow in my search I find out he was arrested for a DUI on August 29th. YAY!! lol. He was released the same day but hopefully he has a court date, will be found guilty and have to serve some time. I cannot stand people that drive drunk or even buzzed. Too many innocent lives are lost by something so prevenatable so DUI is a huge huge huge no no in my book. I'm glad he got caught! Good!

Maybe it's time things are coming back to him...

A bit of a revelation

Is exactly what I had driving around this morning. I was looking at the mountains on the way to Sylva and the leaves are starting to change colors. I must say, I love fall. It's my favorite time of year. Everything was just so pretty and for a minute... things were okay. There was no credit crisis, no all time high unemployment rates, no debt, no worries. It was just me admiring the beauty of these mountains. Then I began to pray.. asking God to forgive me for doubting at times that he will take care of us and just thanking him for everything. I was listening to Steven Curtis during this and Speechless was on... what I'm about to type is so powerful to me...

" So what kind of love could this be that would trade a soul for a cross?
And to think you still celebrate over finding just one who was lost.
And to know you rejoice over us this God of the whole universe,
It's a story that's too great for words."


At this moment I realized God does love my family. We have been put through a lot this past year. And maybe I'm just finally realizing that God does these things to shake me up. It seems when life is smooth sailing.. I dont spend time with him as I should. Things get rocky and I come running asking him to help. That's tough to admit. But.. it's true. So for now I'm going to take it day by day.. and leave everything to him. I'm going to try to strengthen my relationship with him and grow. I'm sure God gets frustrated with me like I do with my kids.. you try to lead them the right way but they want to fight and struggle. But there comes that point where they learn.. and they listen... and you're so proud of them and you just love them to no end. It's taking me a long time but maybe I'm finally getting to that point with God. Where I'm willing to listen and learn and trust. It's hard to fathom that God loves us as much as I love my girls...but I know he does. That is an amazing love.

Oh yeah...

Only 20 more days until Ariel & I go to Atlanta to see....

Can we say EXCITED?! Both of us just can't wait!!

The new pics!

Holy Smokes

It seems as if it's been ages since I've been able to update this! Things have just been crazy busy. My parents & brother are finally with us. Mom is still going to Murphy (she stays with my aunt) to work until she finds a job here. I dont think she'll have any trouble. She has an interview today so I pray that goes well and they put her with a client in Waynesville so she can work close by. That would be great!

Jesse has officially started his traning with Mastec (another satellite company) but this time he doesnt have to buy the supplies, he gets paid by the hour, we'll be able to get insurance (for now we're just going with the dental. we both have work that needs to be done and really that's all we can afford to have taken out of his check at the moment. Hopefully we'll get caught up soon and can do the health insurance). They also give him a gas card and a cell phone and he'll be driving the company van and bringing it home. He's excited.. it sounds like it's a nice job. Now lets all jsut pray that it works out and he doesnt get laid off anymore! He's in South Carolina for his training. I miss him!! He'll be coming home this weekend. Then he'll go back Monday-Friday and come home that weekend.. then go back for one more week. At least it's paid training. Always a plus! (I just realized I didnt make a post about him getting laid off from the car sales job. Yeah a dealership they had in Florida closed so the experienced salesman from there were coming up here and the two new guys got bumped out. THANK GOD that very day Mastec called Jesse asking him if he needed a job and if he'd come in for an interview. He had applied for this job months ago. Crazy how things work out!)

I'm still looking for work. I'm going to apply with Pizza Hut today. Hopefully soon I'll have a job. That would be nice!

The girls are doing wonderful. Clarity... my claire bear... is a royal pain in the arse. But she has a way of looking at you with this big puppy eyes and a little pout... and for a moment you feel bad for getting on to her... until she DOES IT AGAIN two seconds later. lol.

Ariel still loves school and seems to be learning a lot. she cops an attitude at times and that drives me nuts... but I have 13 more years of that to look forward to and it's just going to get worse, so I better get used to it!

I took some pics of the kids the other day at the playground (we took them to play at Ariel's school). So look for that in the next post!