The paranoid mama

in me is back. Ariel has had a few lymph nodes in her neck for a while now. She has seen a pediatrician twice to ease my mind and two different ones have said "not a thing to worry about". This has been nearly a year & I have been fine. Until the other day. Someone posted about a beautiful little girl with lymphoma. She had the same thing. Her mom was told she was fine. Blood tests came back fine. Yet they find out later she had cancer all along. So now... I want to cry. Not only do I want to cry for that beautiful little seven year old that should be chasing butterflies, playing with her friends, and having the time of her life instead of battling chemo... I want to cry cause I'm paranoid to death about Ariel. I'm sure she's fine. I've made the mistake of using google and does that help? Of course not! We all know that is the WORST thing to do! I've also read to never pay attention to the neck cause it's easy to feel lymph nodes and worry yourself to death (as I am doing). They are small.. pea size... they move around... she's not sick (besides a cold)...she's not in pain... all logic points to a healthy little five year old girl. People have told me this over and over for as long as I can remember... I am my own worst enemy. I just checked her neck and one feels much bigger but then again she was running a fever last night, she has a cold... and it's probably her body fighting infection.. I'm a mess... I swear. I'll be taking her to the doctor again in a couple of weeks if they don't go down. If I took her right now the doctor would be like, "um.. she's got a cold. This is normal for them to do. duh". I should just go to medical school and become a doctor so I can sit around and annoy the crap out of my family by running tests all day. lol. Someone please tell me why I am so overly paranoid and borderline psychotic when it comes to my children?! I donate money to St. Judes everytime they send me something. I read the stories, look at the pictures, cry my eyes out and say a prayer, and whether we have money to spare or not, I send some. I wish they would find a cure for cancer. It's not fair for ANYONE to have to deal with it... but it's just especially unfair for it to be a child or baby!

What I want... My cheesecake... and a big scare!

So let's start out with what I want. My mom and I were in walmart yesterday and I found myself wandering over to the digital cameras. While my dream would be to get a Canon Rebel or something... I have to remember.... we are not rich. lol. But this camera was on display and I want it!
Not only do I love the fact that it is *pink*.. I love the big screen and the pics I took while it was in demo mode. My digital right now, I've had since Clarity was born. It's a bulky little thing and the focus is in and out and it's only like 4 megapixels... so I'm ready for something else! I called Jesse and told him this is what I want. We'll see if I get it. I sure hope so!

On to my cheesecake. I finally did it. I made my very first cheesecake. And obviously, I'm no pioneer woman! It doesn't help when you have a three year old messing with your oven behind your back and totally screwing with your cooking time! My brownie crust is a bit black on the bottom (thank goodness you can just scrape it off easily) and my cheesecake has more cracks in it than the Grand Canyon. As I was making this thing I'm picturing a fabulous result that I would just ooh and aah over and feel like freaking Martha Stewart. As usual, that didn't happen. I'm not going to let it get me down (though I admit I was hugely disappointed when I pulled the thing out). I'll try again and I'll probably make one for Thanksgiving but I need to find a good topping.... maybe I can cover up the craters and make it "pretty" if it comes out a mutant next time like it did this time.

And now what you've been waiting for. My big scare! I had a dream last night that just shook me up. I woke up feeling a bit of panic. I had a dream.... dun dun dun.... I found out I was pregnant again! noooooo! In my dream I was freaked out and that feeling stayed with me as I woke up. This is how I know Emmalyn is a handful in a half. All I can say is Thank God that was just a dream! I may feel differently when she is Ariel's age but for right now... she is more than I can handle!

BRRR!!!

okay winter is hitting way earlier this year than in any year I can remember. I'm just not talking about the cold (which I must say...sucks!) but we have had two snowfalls already. Mind you I'm not talking blizzards. But the first time (October 27th.. if you can believe that) we got a few inches. Friday we just had a dusting but a lot of ice on the roads.. and we had our first official "snow day" from school. Thank God! Ariel has been battling a cold and I haven't let her miss any school because of it so I was glad I didn't have to wake her up to go yesterday.

Last night I started getting the barking cough. Thank God that fit only lasted about 20 minutes. I sounded like a seal. The poor girls have it off and on. All three of them. Another reason winter is not my season of choice! lol. I guess I'm going to have to go out and buy tissues today. Clarity and Emmalyn have the thick green rivers starting to come out of their nose. How gross! lol. I'll be so glad when this home is healthy again. This sick stuff is definitely wearing out its welcome!

Well I'm off to clean the house... it is in desperate need. You wouldn't know I had it okay looking a couple of days ago. With three kids, it's amazing how fast things go downhill if you don't stay on top of things. I'm also going to do my first attempt at making a cheesecake today. I'm excited. I found a recipe for a brownie chocolate chip cheesecake. It looks so yummy. If I make it and it's good, I'll make another one to take over to Grandma and Paw Paw's for Thanksgiving.

On another note, yesterday was my dad's birthday :o) We went out to eat at Ryan's last night and had a very yummy dinner!

What am I going to do with her?

Emmalyn = the most needy baby ever. She is not happy in her walker, her jumparoo, on the floor, in a swing, nothing. She is happy only when someone is holding her and a majority of the time it has to be me. Otherwise she either does a super cry or whines non stop. I love her to pieces, couldn't live without her, but wow does it make things hard to get accomplished. My tree... still not decorated. My room still not cleaned. My laundry.. you get the picture. I've tried to let her cry it out... and I've let her cry until she chokes and nearly gags herself to oblivion. I've tried toys. I've tried bringing her into the room I'm working. Nothing works and I'm at a loss. She was my last and of course I held her and held her... I swore I wouldn't but I did. This is the price I pay. I hope she outgrows it soon. I love being needed.. but she's a bit much. lol. I always tell Jesse if she had been born first, we'd only have one. She's so lucky God made her so blessed cute.

Right now she's crawling around on the floor and playing with her sisters... my opportunity to do something but alas.. here I am. I did do the dishes, clean the kitchen, clean the playroom and pick up the living room a bit. I'm about to go cook dinner so I guess I am getting some stuff done. Just nearly not as much as I'd like.

Other than that, same old same old around here. oh Ariel did start bringing home little readers from school... she reads them to me and I have to sign a paper saying she did... I have to say I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!! I can't believe what a little lady she's becoming. I can still so vividly remember the day she was born.. and now she's about to turn 6, reading, and talking about boys *gasp*. Where is my baby?

And Miss Clarity... she's a mess. She's an adorable mess. She's getting big as well but still so much a baby to me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because she still has some baby fat on her face and just really started talking within the past few months. Maybe I'm just a tad more protective over her being the middle child so she doesn't feel lost in the shuffle. I'm not sure. But she is my princess. My three year old, tantrum throwing, mess making, sit in your lap and give lots of cuddles and kisses, princess.

As much as my kids can drive me crazy.. I have to say... being a mom is what I was born to do. I love it with every ounce of my being. As long as they grow up happy, loving and respectful little girls... all the hard times when I question my ability to be a mother... will be so worth it.

I feel like shyte!

It seems completely wrong to me for someone to get over one bug and jump right into another, yet I have accomplished it! Go me... or not! Last week I had either food poisoning or a stomach bug straight from the depths of hell... Thank God it only lasted a day... but man. That was AWFUL! Completely and totally AWFUL! Today I was fine until about I'd say 2 hours ago. I was supposed to go donate blood at Ariel's school blood drive. My throat was feeling a bit funny but I thought nothing of it. Come time for me to leave... it is horrible. I have a headache. The side of my neck feels swollen. My ear hurts. ARG!! No, No, No, No, No!! I dont want this. Take it back!
******************************************************************************************************************

This was what I started working on last Thursday, I believe. Here it is Monday morning and my sore throat is FINALLY going away. But guess what.. Emmalyn and Clarity have come down with a major cold with congestion. So I guess yet again some bug has invaded my home! I started getting stuffy last night too. Yay! The bug I got last Thursday was a monster. I ended up running a fever, horrible sore throat, sore muscles and bones... yuck yuck yuck. I'm really beginning to hate winter!

Speaking of winter, it's flippin cold. I told Jesse winter just started and I'm ready for it to be hot again. At least if it's hot outside, you can go play in a pool or in water and cool off. There's not much you can do to stay warm during the winter besides coop yourself up inside with 999 billion germs. As soon as we are all heatlhy again we are running and getting our flu shots ASAP. I should have done it earlier. What can I say.. I am the queen of procrastination.

I can't believe how fast Christmas is coming up! Just a little over a month..and not a lick of shopping done. oh well. As I always say, "I have time". lol. Jesse and I bought some new ornaments for our tree. We're doing a silver, burgundy and white theme this year. We've been doing silver and blue for as long as I can remember and this year I wanted to switch it up. Our tree is down and put together but I still have to do the yucky part of folding down the branches and trying to make them look 'just so' . I love decorating the tree... I hate doing that! lol. But I'm going to get that done today. I have a ton to do. Lots of cleaning, Christmas decorating.... I better get my rear off the computer so I can get started.

Hopefully my sick, precious Emma girl will let me get it done!

What was he thinking?!

Jesse went over to Nate's a few days ago to get his ladder... he comes home and tells me that Nate now has four yorkie pups. Why did he tell me this?! lol. I dont want to see them. I've already done my begging. The fact that Jesse was even going to ask about how much they want for one, speaks volumes for me. Then Jess was talking about how he nice the mommy & daddy are and how small they are and.... he's cracking. I see it. They'd be ready to go at Christmas.. how nice of a present would that be? But I'm putting it out of my mind. He hasn't said anymore about it so I'm assuming they are probably just too much for us to even think about. He told me last night maybe someday. Ah, yes, maybe someday. I started looking them up online and they dont shed (a major plus) and they dont have that "dog" smell. That's the perfect kind of dog for me. lol. I'm always going to want one. Always have.

And in other news.. unless you live under a rock... you know that our new president elect is Obama. Yippee. Notice the lack of an exclamation point there. lol. That wasn't who Jesse and I voted for. But he's the choice of the people ,I guess, so there's nothing I can do about it. I just PRAY & PRAY I'm wrong about him. I pray that things will be okay. But I'll admit.. I'm nervous. Not because he's black (that has nothing to do with anything in my eyes)... but he just doesnt sit right with me. He reminds me of a player.. such a smoooottth talker. We shall see. I just keep this country in my prayers. change is coming as he says... Lord just let it be good. And if it isn't good... please watch over this country.. my family & friends.

This video made me laugh so hard! Jordan... you rock!

a bit of video

Some pics from the concert

Highs & Lows

We'll start out with the low point of the week (save the BESTEST for last, right?). Ariel came down with a stomach virus last Monday. She threw up Monday night, missed school Tuesday, I pulled her out early on Wednesday (to go to Atlanta.. shhh), she missed school Thurdsay (mainly because of the Atlanta thing but she wouldnt have gone anyways because she ended up having major diarrhea), she did go to school Friday but after she came home, she threw up! So that was a lot of fun! Clarity ended up getting it and puking for a few days herself. Last night I didnt feel good. I thought I was gonna lose it, but never did, Thank God! I'm feeling better today, but all I've done is drink. I'm not ready to try eating yet. So now I'm just praying the worst is over and that Jesse, mom & dad don't get it! I had to shampoo my loveseat twice last week just from the girls throwing up on it. I hate stomach bugs! hate them, hate them, hate them!

on to the GOOD news! I took Ariel to her first concert ever on October 29th. Of course if you read my blog, you know we went to see The New Kids on the Block!!! Can we say the concert absolutely ROCKED?! I swear they have only gotten better with age! Ariel, in typical five year old fashion, didn't have to pee during the opening acts (Natasha Bedingfield and Lady Gaga) or intermissions. Noooo. Literally three minutes before they make their grand entrance, she looks at me and says, "I have to pee and no I can't hold it". So we make our way to the bathrooms and hear them come out and the arena go crazy from the bathroom. LOL. I took a picture of her washing her hands, just for the memory of how we started the concert. I took tons of video snippets. Our seats were awesome! And we got a surprise... the guys ended up running straight in front of us! The wonderful people in front of us let Ariel come down a row with them so she could see them.. and Danny, Donnie & Jordan all grabbed her hand! Can we say lucky?! We've been on cloud 9 all week... I pray the come back on tour again. We'll definitely be going. Well, well, well worth it!!!

I could scream

I swear nothing frustrates me more than someone acting like a jerk towards my kids. Appearently Ariel got fingerprints on my brother's beloved PSP. Well... why did you let her play it in the first place?! He harps about how it was a $200 toy... uh yeah it sucks to have someone mess up something you pay for, doesn't it? Think of how mad I was when you wrecked the car I gave mom and dad that cost me a couple thousand.. then proceeded to kick it and call it a "piece of shit". I have told Ariel to never ask him to play it again. I will buy her her own before I let her play his anymore.

It must be nice to sit around either on the computer, in a bedroom or all over my furniture, eat, watch tv & not lift a finger around this house. I can understand it's hard to find a job... I havent gotten a call either but I look everday and not only that I do housework and take care of three kids. Sure they are my kids.. yeah it's my job.. and I would never ask anyone else to do it. EVER. But instead of walking around and bossing my kids around and sighing and acting completely annoyed all the time... do something. Of course since mom and dad are helping with the bills, I guess it's just a free ride to him. Must be nice. I'd love to be 25 and not have anything better to do with myself. And then I hear from dad how poor Patrick has nothing to do around here. Oh bless his heart. If you could see how big my eyes roll at that one. yes, I am being a bitch. No I dont care. I wouldnt be bothered as much if he didnt act as if living here were a nightmare. Honestly he doesnt have it bad. He has his own room as opposed to Jesse and I having to share one with our three kids. He doesnt have any bills. He has to put up with my kids... big flippin deal. They arent bad kids.. yeah they can get on your nerves but they are just babies. Get over it. If you can't do that... take a hike. He's not horrible all the time but some days that boy can just crawl over every single nerve in my body!

There rant over... now I'm off to post about something that makes me happy. Hopefully I can be done seething!