The paranoid mama

in me is back. Ariel has had a few lymph nodes in her neck for a while now. She has seen a pediatrician twice to ease my mind and two different ones have said "not a thing to worry about". This has been nearly a year & I have been fine. Until the other day. Someone posted about a beautiful little girl with lymphoma. She had the same thing. Her mom was told she was fine. Blood tests came back fine. Yet they find out later she had cancer all along. So now... I want to cry. Not only do I want to cry for that beautiful little seven year old that should be chasing butterflies, playing with her friends, and having the time of her life instead of battling chemo... I want to cry cause I'm paranoid to death about Ariel. I'm sure she's fine. I've made the mistake of using google and does that help? Of course not! We all know that is the WORST thing to do! I've also read to never pay attention to the neck cause it's easy to feel lymph nodes and worry yourself to death (as I am doing). They are small.. pea size... they move around... she's not sick (besides a cold)...she's not in pain... all logic points to a healthy little five year old girl. People have told me this over and over for as long as I can remember... I am my own worst enemy. I just checked her neck and one feels much bigger but then again she was running a fever last night, she has a cold... and it's probably her body fighting infection.. I'm a mess... I swear. I'll be taking her to the doctor again in a couple of weeks if they don't go down. If I took her right now the doctor would be like, "um.. she's got a cold. This is normal for them to do. duh". I should just go to medical school and become a doctor so I can sit around and annoy the crap out of my family by running tests all day. lol. Someone please tell me why I am so overly paranoid and borderline psychotic when it comes to my children?! I donate money to St. Judes everytime they send me something. I read the stories, look at the pictures, cry my eyes out and say a prayer, and whether we have money to spare or not, I send some. I wish they would find a cure for cancer. It's not fair for ANYONE to have to deal with it... but it's just especially unfair for it to be a child or baby!