Thursday, October 9, 2008

Good news... Bad news...

Let's start with the bad news. The bad news is my van won't start. Everytime I go to crank it, it makes a click click click click click noise. Not good. My dad thinks it's the starter. wonderful. We'll see what happens from here. I'm not sure how it will be fixed or where we will get the $$. Thank God my parents are here... that's all I know.

Now on to the news that brought me great joy to read. lol. I was doing a search on Jesse's biological donor (he is not a father in my opinion). All I was really googling for was to try to find out if that business sold or not. I'm praying he is stuck with it and with his house that he took two mortgages out on. I know that's mean... I just hate how he always gets away with every bad thing he does and has no remorse whatsoever. Anyhow in my search I find out he was arrested for a DUI on August 29th. YAY!! lol. He was released the same day but hopefully he has a court date, will be found guilty and have to serve some time. I cannot stand people that drive drunk or even buzzed. Too many innocent lives are lost by something so prevenatable so DUI is a huge huge huge no no in my book. I'm glad he got caught! Good!

Maybe it's time things are coming back to him...

A bit of a revelation

Is exactly what I had driving around this morning. I was looking at the mountains on the way to Sylva and the leaves are starting to change colors. I must say, I love fall. It's my favorite time of year. Everything was just so pretty and for a minute... things were okay. There was no credit crisis, no all time high unemployment rates, no debt, no worries. It was just me admiring the beauty of these mountains. Then I began to pray.. asking God to forgive me for doubting at times that he will take care of us and just thanking him for everything. I was listening to Steven Curtis during this and Speechless was on... what I'm about to type is so powerful to me...

" So what kind of love could this be that would trade a soul for a cross?
And to think you still celebrate over finding just one who was lost.
And to know you rejoice over us this God of the whole universe,
It's a story that's too great for words."


At this moment I realized God does love my family. We have been put through a lot this past year. And maybe I'm just finally realizing that God does these things to shake me up. It seems when life is smooth sailing.. I dont spend time with him as I should. Things get rocky and I come running asking him to help. That's tough to admit. But.. it's true. So for now I'm going to take it day by day.. and leave everything to him. I'm going to try to strengthen my relationship with him and grow. I'm sure God gets frustrated with me like I do with my kids.. you try to lead them the right way but they want to fight and struggle. But there comes that point where they learn.. and they listen... and you're so proud of them and you just love them to no end. It's taking me a long time but maybe I'm finally getting to that point with God. Where I'm willing to listen and learn and trust. It's hard to fathom that God loves us as much as I love my girls...but I know he does. That is an amazing love.

Oh yeah...

Only 20 more days until Ariel & I go to Atlanta to see....

Can we say EXCITED?! Both of us just can't wait!!

The new pics!

Holy Smokes

It seems as if it's been ages since I've been able to update this! Things have just been crazy busy. My parents & brother are finally with us. Mom is still going to Murphy (she stays with my aunt) to work until she finds a job here. I dont think she'll have any trouble. She has an interview today so I pray that goes well and they put her with a client in Waynesville so she can work close by. That would be great!

Jesse has officially started his traning with Mastec (another satellite company) but this time he doesnt have to buy the supplies, he gets paid by the hour, we'll be able to get insurance (for now we're just going with the dental. we both have work that needs to be done and really that's all we can afford to have taken out of his check at the moment. Hopefully we'll get caught up soon and can do the health insurance). They also give him a gas card and a cell phone and he'll be driving the company van and bringing it home. He's excited.. it sounds like it's a nice job. Now lets all jsut pray that it works out and he doesnt get laid off anymore! He's in South Carolina for his training. I miss him!! He'll be coming home this weekend. Then he'll go back Monday-Friday and come home that weekend.. then go back for one more week. At least it's paid training. Always a plus! (I just realized I didnt make a post about him getting laid off from the car sales job. Yeah a dealership they had in Florida closed so the experienced salesman from there were coming up here and the two new guys got bumped out. THANK GOD that very day Mastec called Jesse asking him if he needed a job and if he'd come in for an interview. He had applied for this job months ago. Crazy how things work out!)

I'm still looking for work. I'm going to apply with Pizza Hut today. Hopefully soon I'll have a job. That would be nice!

The girls are doing wonderful. Clarity... my claire bear... is a royal pain in the arse. But she has a way of looking at you with this big puppy eyes and a little pout... and for a moment you feel bad for getting on to her... until she DOES IT AGAIN two seconds later. lol.

Ariel still loves school and seems to be learning a lot. she cops an attitude at times and that drives me nuts... but I have 13 more years of that to look forward to and it's just going to get worse, so I better get used to it!

I took some pics of the kids the other day at the playground (we took them to play at Ariel's school). So look for that in the next post!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

My Littlest One

is getting so big! It's rediculous how fast time is going by and all the new stuff she is learning. She'll be 7 months old tomorrow and she's already pretty much got the crawling thing down, she can go from crawling to sitting on her own without any help from me, and last night she was trying to pull herself into a stand while trying to climb up on Jesse while he was laying in the floor. It just doesn't seem fair! Where is my tiny baby we were bringing home from the hospital just 7 short months ago?!

I really need to take pics and video. These past few weeks have been flying by and so much has happened, I've totally slacked on that. I need to get my rear in gear!

Ariel is doing great in school. She loves it and seems to be learning so much! I love it when she comes home with cute pictures and paintings for me. And to think I was afraid to send her... when it's been so good for her! We're looking into moving and this will mean transferring her to a new school. I HATE that but we have to do what is best for the whole family. The girls online tell me that Ariel will adjust just fine. I pray they are right! We should hear back about a house we looked at on Monday. We hope to be moved around the 1st so the sooner we hear something the better that way we can plan to meet her new teacher, see the school, and slowly ease her into it. I just dont want to throw her into a totally new environment and not prepare her at all.

Clarity has hit the horrendous 3's. LOL. No she's a great kid and I love her to pieces but she has become really trying lately. And she is a walking tornado leaving wreckage in her wake! I can't stay on top of the housework with her! I went through the same thing with Ariel so I know it's just the age and it will get better. Seems like overnight she went from my cuddly quiet Clairebear to a non stop jabbering mess maker! hehe. Gotta love it!

Friday, September 19, 2008

One of the FUNNIEST movies

I have ever seen! I now Pronounce you Chuck & Larry! I have just gotten around to watching this one and it's hilarious. I've always loved Adam Sandler & Kevin James...and getting both of them in the same movie was hitting a jackpot. I giggled so much during it. I'm probably going to watch it again with Jesse since he didn't watch it with me last night. He's not a homophobe but he is weird about seeing anything "gay".. kind of like he has this attitude if it's their thing, great, but I don't want a part of that. but I think even he would enjoy this one!

So much has happened

Actually it's insane the amount of mess that has happened since I posted last.

Yesterday I got a call from Brittany that mom & dad's trailer burned to the ground. Thank God mom, dad & Patrick were all able to make it out okay. They think all of the animals made it out even though there are cats that aren't accounted for. It's kind of surreal. They lost everything. I'm just glad they all got out alive, that's all that matters. Material things can be replaced, they can't. From what I heard the trailer burned really quickly.. as they do. I'm not sure what's going to happen over the next few days, but I guess I'll know more as mom finds out and lets me know.

I actually got a job.. and it lasted all of like.. I dunno.. 5 days! lol. I know that's not really funny and I should be embarrassed but I can honestly say it is totally not my fault and the person that hired me was a nutjob. I go to work one night and she has me training for a med tech and supervisor in charge position. It sounds all great right? Well no. Not really. You didn't get a raise for doing it, it just meant a ton more paperwork, giving out meds, and on your days off being "on call" in case a PCA called in. No thanks! So I left the supervisor a note (couldnt talk to her in person as I was working third shift and she was on first). I explained that between working nights and having to watch the girls during the day too while Jesse worked, I wanted no part of having responsibility like giving meds and doing important paperwork until I found a way to get more sleep. The next day, I was planning to call in anyways after one of the residents had a psycho moment that scared the you know what out of me... So I go to call in and the girl says "Oh Denise wanted to let you know she doesn't need you anymore". Good thing I called in.. they were going to let me drive 35 miles to tell me when I got there. Idgits! So there went that. Let me tell you though a CNA should get paid way more than they do for all the stuff they have to deal with! I have a new respect for them.. totally.It takes a special person to do what they do. I'm glad I had the experience... I dont think I'm one of those special people. lol.

Jesse's found a new job. He's a car salesman. Yes, he has taken on a job where people think he's sleazy and just a money grubber. But it's the only job that called him back after all the applications he put out. I pray he's good at this, there's good money to be made. He's still in training, not out on the lot yet, but with prayers once he is, he'll do fine at it. He doesnt want to be one of those salesman that no one trusts or thinks he's out to rip them a new one, he just wants to be honest and sell as many cars as he can to help us make a living.

Other than that, we're just hanging in there. Playing powerball faithfully. lol. Maybe one of these days! As for now, I'm looking for another job... and taking care of these three beautiful girlies! And staring around my home that looks like an F-5 tornado tore it up... and trying my best to find the motivation to get up and clean it!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Roll with the Punches

That's what we have to do but sometimes I feel we are fighting with one really big bully! I'm hoping someday Jesse & I can look back and be proud of ourselves for getting through everything that gets thrown our way and surviving in one piece. Jeff finally called Jesse back last night. Money has run out (thanks to a brother that squandered it) and Jeff can't afford any of the help... he doesnt have money for himself... so basically it's, "start looking for something else". Again. Didn't this just happen to us? I swear it did. I keep telling myself things will be okay. We'll get through it. God will pull us through... but there is this human side of my faith. The side that says oh my God we are never going to be okay. We just keep sinking deeper & deepeer into debt. We're at the point where there is no where else to sink to cause we're about out. Then what? I'm praying for a miracle. Wondering what God is wanting us to do. Why this is happening. They say God never closes a door without opening another... but I really wish they would stop slamming shut in our faces. I have to keep faith.. I KNOW God is there. I KNOW he will take care of us & he has a plan for us.There is just that tiny human doubt that tells me to stop kidding myself but I have to get rid of that or it can only get worse. If God is testing my faith he's really doing a good job...
I'm praying for a miracle. I'm going to go play powerball. lol.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

And she's off

This morning was a complete 180 from what the past few days have been. Ariel was more than ready to go to school. That was a relief. She woke up, took her shower, ate her breakfast, played her dog's life game, then off to school we went. She looked so darn cute & big with her bookbag. I didnt get many pics.. there werent any other camera happy parents in there so I didnt want to embarrass her... but you can bet I'll get lots when she gets home! Here are the ones I got:

So proud and ready to go! This was right before we left the driveway.

And here is little miss in her classroom. Gosh she's cute! lol.

No tears were shed.. no freak outs... nothing. She was content as can be giving me & her sisters a hug & kiss & then going back to her thing. What a relief!

Clarity, however, did have a bit of a time once we left and got back in the van. "mama Air Air is not in her seat". I explained that Ariel was staying at school & we would see her this afternoon. With that tears came to Clarity's eyes, her arms crossed, and she looks down and says, "I miss my Air Air". I had to distract her or I was going to cry! She hasn't been easy since we've been home. She's bored. And whiney! Hopefully she'll get used to this adjustment soon or I may just go bald from pulling my hair out! I think she needs a nap.

Anyhow all went great getting Ariel to school. I can't wait to go pick her up & hear all about her day!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

It's Flying By

naturally the last day with my pumpkin home all day... is going by in a flash. Soon it will be her bedtime. I swear I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. She's nervous, I'm nervous for her. I just keep hoping once we get there her nervousness will turn to excitment & she'll be a-okay having me leave. If she tears up, I'll have to be strong.. I can't show her that I'm nervous or that I just want to keep her home after all.. but I'm sure if it happens, I'll be having a major meltdown as soon as I make it to the van. I just keep telling her she's going to have so much fun that she won't have time to miss me. She'll be making new friends, making me things, & she'll have a ton to talk about when she gets home. And that I can't wait to hear all about it. Tomorrow Ariel will be my little kindergartener. I still can't believe it when I say it.

The girls & I ran to Burger King, had a quick lunch, then took off to walmart to grab a few things. I got miss Emmalyn a pink, princess walker. Now I know the pediatricians say it's best not to use them.. but right now, they can bite it. lol. We don't have stairs & she will always be supervised. I just have to have something to put this baby in where she can follow me around & play at the same time. She hates for me to be out of sight. Kind of hard when I have an entire house to clean kiddo. Maybe now, I can get things done without her hollering about being neglected. lol. The poor, pitiful baby. She cracks me up though... she's too darn cute. she's got this thing with sticking her tongue out.. all the time. And we definately have a mobile one on our hands... you can lay her in the floor and she is on the other side of the room in no time with her rolls & scoots. She's still not sitting up by herself.. she can but she slumps over rather quickly. It's okay.. I'm so not rushing anything. She's going to be in Ariel's shoes and starting her first day of Kindy before I know it!

oh lol I am going on a cruise to Nassau! Yeah I'm so sure! My phone rang and it was some automated man saying if I just answered a 10 question survery, I would recieve two all inclusive cruise boarding passes. Eh, why not? I'm sure there is some catch or some scam... but it only took three minutes so I did it. A cruise director or something is supposed to call me in 72 hours... I would so laugh if this were legit. A girl can dream!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Rain, Rain, Much Needed Rain!

I guess these are the remains of Fay coming down... and I am sooo glad! We have been so dry... and needed this badly for a while! Just as I'm sitting here typing up praises of this rain.. I check the weather bug. My stomach is in knots when I see the county Jesse is working in is under a tornado warning. It says very strong rotation has been associated with the storm and to take shelter now. I think I nearly threw up. I ran to the phone & called and he says it's okay looking where he's at but he heard the sirens going off & that they are about to hit the road to come home. Lord please just let him make it home safe, please! I couldnt believe they were out driving while tornado sirens were sounding. ugh. I could kill him! I'll wait until he gets through this door safe & sound though! As much as that man can drive me crazy, I'd be absolutely lost without him.

We took the girls out for a bit of fun during Jesse's three day weekend (he had Monday off cause his boss was in Virginia). We took them putt putt golfing in Maggie Valley on Sunday and then to the rec. center swimming yesterday. Both were quite an adventure. Emmalyn was good as gold during the golfing... just hung out in her carrier & watched us play. Thank God cause miss Clarity Grace was a MONSTER! She would run all over the green as one of us was trying to play, or go grab the golf ball after we had putted, or jump around and run ahead to the other holes... gah. We tried letting her play but she would rather roll the ball like a bowling ball towards the hole than to use a putter... so we let her play... her way. We got through it.. but it was a bit of a challenge. A funny one though!

The swimming looked fun. I sat in a chair holding Emmalyn while Jesse & the girls swam. They pretty much stayed in the big kiddie area (I think the deepest it got was 2 feet). Before we went I ran into Kmart and found a pair of floaties for Ariel, a swimming vest for Clarity, and the cutest inflatable boat for Emma Girl (even though she didnt use it.. it was on clearance and I figured we may use it later!). The girls had a blast. It was too funny though...Jesse was on one side of the pool letting Ariel and Clarity play. Well Clarity was in like one foot of water but since she had her vest on she was floating and I guess didn't realize she could just stand up. She spies Jesse on the other side and panic hits. she's trying to doggie paddle to him and ends up doing these rolls in the pool. Poor baby, I could tell she was freaking out and thinking she was going to drown. So Jesse rushes over to "save" her and helps her realize all she had to do was put her feet down and she could stand up. LOL. I was rolling. Next summer we definitely need to look into getting swimming lessons for the girls. I pray we're in a better place financially by then & we can do that. We can only pray!

Jesse's on the hunt for another job. This one treats him good and all but there's just a couple of issues we both have. 1. With him being out of town and having to leave so early on the mornings he is home, It's going to be hard if I go to work (and we are at that point where I HAVE to) working out care for the girls. 2. His boss Jeff is planning on moving an hour further away soon so Jesse wouldnt be able to catch a ride and an hour and a half trip to work one way... is so not going to happen. 3. Jesse hates this out of town stuff. He misses the girls & the girls miss him. Shoot.. I miss him. He's going to stay with this until he finds something else. But please say prayers that we both find something great that works for us soon. We need all the thoughts & prayers & good vibes we can get!

Miss Ariel starts school on Thursday. one more day left with my baby home... *sniff*. The anxiety for her is starting to set in. She'll break down into tears out of nowhere and say that she's really going to miss me when she goes. This is different for her & she's scared. I pray it all goes well for her. I also pray she doesnt cry when I take her in. If she does, I'm going to have a heck of a time keeping myself together!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Now that

I posted my little reflective post, it's time for me to post something upbeat & funny. I'm not sure how that's going to play out yet, though. Surely I have something zany or witty to say. Or then.. maybe not!

ooh I got it! However even though I sit here & giggle about it... you may not. It may just be one of those "you had to be there" things. I'm not sure. Anyhow.. on with the story...

Last night Jesse did his usual goodnight call (sucks to only get to talk to him for a few minutes once a day!). well he talked to me, then Ariel, then Clarity. Well as Clarity was saying her I love you, sweet dreams stuff... she stops & before she says goodbye tells her daddy he needs to talk to Emmalyn. So I get the phone and ask him if he wants me to put it up to her ear and of course he would never say no to that. So I do & I hear him start talking to her. Her head jerks over and looks at me with these huge eyes and her mouth wide open. Her face was priceless... like "what is going on?!". It isn't two seconds before she realizes, "hey that's my daddy". she had been quiet as a mouse the whole time me & the girls were on the phone... in fact she was drifting off to sleep. Not anymore! She started smiling and making all these noises.. kicking her feet.. squealing. I couldnt stop laughing! It took me a good while to settle her back down after we hung up.

Jesse is coming home this afternoon. He told me it may be early too.. so woohoo!! The girls & I have missed him lots this week. We'll be so glad when he comes through that door!

So I was on myspace

and I went & checked in on Steven Curtis Chapman's page. Somehow doing this made me go to his website and I can't believe it's been 3 months since his daughter, Maria, was killed. Even more of a reminder about how fast life passes by. I would have thought it has only been a couple of weeks. I'm sure it feels like an eternity for them, though. I'll be keeping them in my prayers, for sure.

It's hard not to get wrapped up in everyday life... housework, cooking, errands... but this is a reminder to me that everyday is a gift. I thank God for my babies and for all the time he's blessed me with them. I pray I have many, many more years & years with them but I'm going to do my best to love them and hug them and kiss them as if I won't.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I could not ask for more

She cracks me up!

Nancy.. some of her blog entries are just gold. She had one up about commercials and what is hilarious (to me anyways) is the exact commercial that she wrote about (an eharmony one where the husband and wife look related)... I've had the same thoughts as I was watching it! Then I read her comments and Misty hit on another one of the other commericals that just gets on my nerves.. the lovely time in a bottle allergy medication one. Now what bothers me about that one is the girl says "They should put that in the ingredients... 2 hours you didnt have before". That just really gets on my nerves because an ingredient is something that makes up the medication. You having more time is not a part of it. That's more along the lines of the purpose section not the ingredients. But that's just my thinking. lol. So yeah I got a good laugh last night reading the musings of these girls. Cause they are so right on! And though I have never seen the fruit arrangement commercial nancy talked about... I sure had a giggle!

Isnt it Ironic?

How when you pay a company they can take that money right out of your bank account... but when you cancel... it takes forever to get that money back. I had to cancel the whole charter internet/phone deal. Another tech showed up unexpectedly today and he said he couldn't do it because he couldn't ground the cables. Whatever. I'm so over this. lol. So I just called and I will be getting a full refund, however they issue a check and it takes three weeks. Why can't they just put the money they took out right back in? Oh well. Charter sucks. Now I know. I did place an order for AT&T to come out and do the phone and internet thing. We will see how that goes. I'm not paying a penny in advance. Lesson learned.

Ariel's teacher & her assistant came over for the home visit today. They are both so sweet and I think this home visit thing is an awesome idea. Ariel is looking forward to going to school and is more at ease. I got my questions answered and I'm feeling better myself. She starts school August 28th.

Jesse is MIA this week. He left this morning & won't be coming home until Friday evening. I started missing him last night knowing he was leaving this morning. He misses us.. we miss him. It's not too bad when he only has to spend a couple of nights.. but when it's nearly a week.. I realize he does more around here than I give him credit for!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Visitation Night

Well we visited Ariel's classroom this afternoon... and honestly I dont know how she's going to find it! I'll have to ask her teacher this when she comes over for the home visit tomorrow. The school is pretty big and the kindergarten/first grade wing is way in the back. But I'm sure Emiley will walk Ariel to her class since they will be just a few doors down from eachother. That makes me feel better. Hopefully Ariel isn't as geographically challenged as her mother! Ariel flip flops on how she feels about going to school. Some days she's excited & can't wait... others she says she'll miss me and she's not ready. She'll be fine. I'm worried about ME. Where have the past five and a half years gone?! I still can't believe next week I'll have a kindergartener. Seems so surreal.

I am fuming with Charter..which is who I am scheduled to get my phone and internet with tomorrow. My installation date was Aug. 19th between 5-7 pm. About 20 minutes before we leave to go to Ariel's open house... a charter tech pulls up. He says he's here to hook up my phone. I asked if he was here to do the internet too and that they didnt even tell me he was coming.. that I wasnt scheduled for anything until tomorrow & they were supposed to do both. He said his work order only had him scheduled for doing the phone and that if he did the phone and another tech did the internet, I'd have to pay two installation charges. Um. no. I already paid them $110 and haven't gotten anything installed yet! So he calls his dispatch and explains the situation.. that I'm leaving & I was supposed to have everything done tomorrow... and they tell him my account is now on hold. So who knows when I'll get it. I love how my installation date is on hold when it hasn't even gotten here yet. I sent them an email stating how unhappy I am. I hope to hear back! ugh! Aggrivating.

Well I better get to work cleaning and getting ready for that home visit with Ms. Wilson tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes! Oh you know that office I've been saying for months that I needed to organize? It's clean! I spent ALL day on it yesterday. Shredding papers, unpacking boxes, clearing the 'catch all' room out. I can't believe it's done. And NO help from my husband. Well I guess he did help.. he kept the kids out of my hair & let me get it done.. my way. And I got a massage as a thank you for doing it alone.. soooo... he redeemed himself. lol.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Still no word

from Walmart but I'm assuming since I signed papers & got sent out for a drug test... I'm hired. My drug test didnt get sent away until Monday.. so I'm going to call Walmart by next Monday if I hadnt heard from them by then.

Jesse is in Spartanburg until Saturday evening. I hate having him gone. I hate even more that I am *ahem* jealous... Did I just say that? I believe I did! They are great to him.. I'm glad. They pay for him to eat out... he gets put up in a Marriot (because the boss' sister works for them.. he gets the guys great rooms). Jesse gets to soak it up kid free in a jacuzzi. He says he gets so homesick though and misses the girls like crazy. I believe him. I can't go a day without my girls even though some days I feel a trip to a padded room would be enough to make me happy! lol. But we miss him.. lots & lots!

I'm going to feed the girls some dinner & then I might go over and see Lisa and Stevie. She had the baby today at 2:57 pm. He weighed... 10 lbs 8 oz!! Big Boy!! But all is well and I'm looking foward to meeting him. I'll post more in a bit.. dinner is cooking.