What am I going to do with her?

Emmalyn = the most needy baby ever. She is not happy in her walker, her jumparoo, on the floor, in a swing, nothing. She is happy only when someone is holding her and a majority of the time it has to be me. Otherwise she either does a super cry or whines non stop. I love her to pieces, couldn't live without her, but wow does it make things hard to get accomplished. My tree... still not decorated. My room still not cleaned. My laundry.. you get the picture. I've tried to let her cry it out... and I've let her cry until she chokes and nearly gags herself to oblivion. I've tried toys. I've tried bringing her into the room I'm working. Nothing works and I'm at a loss. She was my last and of course I held her and held her... I swore I wouldn't but I did. This is the price I pay. I hope she outgrows it soon. I love being needed.. but she's a bit much. lol. I always tell Jesse if she had been born first, we'd only have one. She's so lucky God made her so blessed cute.

Right now she's crawling around on the floor and playing with her sisters... my opportunity to do something but alas.. here I am. I did do the dishes, clean the kitchen, clean the playroom and pick up the living room a bit. I'm about to go cook dinner so I guess I am getting some stuff done. Just nearly not as much as I'd like.

Other than that, same old same old around here. oh Ariel did start bringing home little readers from school... she reads them to me and I have to sign a paper saying she did... I have to say I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!! I can't believe what a little lady she's becoming. I can still so vividly remember the day she was born.. and now she's about to turn 6, reading, and talking about boys *gasp*. Where is my baby?

And Miss Clarity... she's a mess. She's an adorable mess. She's getting big as well but still so much a baby to me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because she still has some baby fat on her face and just really started talking within the past few months. Maybe I'm just a tad more protective over her being the middle child so she doesn't feel lost in the shuffle. I'm not sure. But she is my princess. My three year old, tantrum throwing, mess making, sit in your lap and give lots of cuddles and kisses, princess.

As much as my kids can drive me crazy.. I have to say... being a mom is what I was born to do. I love it with every ounce of my being. As long as they grow up happy, loving and respectful little girls... all the hard times when I question my ability to be a mother... will be so worth it.

I feel like shyte!

It seems completely wrong to me for someone to get over one bug and jump right into another, yet I have accomplished it! Go me... or not! Last week I had either food poisoning or a stomach bug straight from the depths of hell... Thank God it only lasted a day... but man. That was AWFUL! Completely and totally AWFUL! Today I was fine until about I'd say 2 hours ago. I was supposed to go donate blood at Ariel's school blood drive. My throat was feeling a bit funny but I thought nothing of it. Come time for me to leave... it is horrible. I have a headache. The side of my neck feels swollen. My ear hurts. ARG!! No, No, No, No, No!! I dont want this. Take it back!
******************************************************************************************************************

This was what I started working on last Thursday, I believe. Here it is Monday morning and my sore throat is FINALLY going away. But guess what.. Emmalyn and Clarity have come down with a major cold with congestion. So I guess yet again some bug has invaded my home! I started getting stuffy last night too. Yay! The bug I got last Thursday was a monster. I ended up running a fever, horrible sore throat, sore muscles and bones... yuck yuck yuck. I'm really beginning to hate winter!

Speaking of winter, it's flippin cold. I told Jesse winter just started and I'm ready for it to be hot again. At least if it's hot outside, you can go play in a pool or in water and cool off. There's not much you can do to stay warm during the winter besides coop yourself up inside with 999 billion germs. As soon as we are all heatlhy again we are running and getting our flu shots ASAP. I should have done it earlier. What can I say.. I am the queen of procrastination.

I can't believe how fast Christmas is coming up! Just a little over a month..and not a lick of shopping done. oh well. As I always say, "I have time". lol. Jesse and I bought some new ornaments for our tree. We're doing a silver, burgundy and white theme this year. We've been doing silver and blue for as long as I can remember and this year I wanted to switch it up. Our tree is down and put together but I still have to do the yucky part of folding down the branches and trying to make them look 'just so' . I love decorating the tree... I hate doing that! lol. But I'm going to get that done today. I have a ton to do. Lots of cleaning, Christmas decorating.... I better get my rear off the computer so I can get started.

Hopefully my sick, precious Emma girl will let me get it done!

What was he thinking?!

Jesse went over to Nate's a few days ago to get his ladder... he comes home and tells me that Nate now has four yorkie pups. Why did he tell me this?! lol. I dont want to see them. I've already done my begging. The fact that Jesse was even going to ask about how much they want for one, speaks volumes for me. Then Jess was talking about how he nice the mommy & daddy are and how small they are and.... he's cracking. I see it. They'd be ready to go at Christmas.. how nice of a present would that be? But I'm putting it out of my mind. He hasn't said anymore about it so I'm assuming they are probably just too much for us to even think about. He told me last night maybe someday. Ah, yes, maybe someday. I started looking them up online and they dont shed (a major plus) and they dont have that "dog" smell. That's the perfect kind of dog for me. lol. I'm always going to want one. Always have.

And in other news.. unless you live under a rock... you know that our new president elect is Obama. Yippee. Notice the lack of an exclamation point there. lol. That wasn't who Jesse and I voted for. But he's the choice of the people ,I guess, so there's nothing I can do about it. I just PRAY & PRAY I'm wrong about him. I pray that things will be okay. But I'll admit.. I'm nervous. Not because he's black (that has nothing to do with anything in my eyes)... but he just doesnt sit right with me. He reminds me of a player.. such a smoooottth talker. We shall see. I just keep this country in my prayers. change is coming as he says... Lord just let it be good. And if it isn't good... please watch over this country.. my family & friends.

This video made me laugh so hard! Jordan... you rock!

a bit of video

Some pics from the concert

Highs & Lows

We'll start out with the low point of the week (save the BESTEST for last, right?). Ariel came down with a stomach virus last Monday. She threw up Monday night, missed school Tuesday, I pulled her out early on Wednesday (to go to Atlanta.. shhh), she missed school Thurdsay (mainly because of the Atlanta thing but she wouldnt have gone anyways because she ended up having major diarrhea), she did go to school Friday but after she came home, she threw up! So that was a lot of fun! Clarity ended up getting it and puking for a few days herself. Last night I didnt feel good. I thought I was gonna lose it, but never did, Thank God! I'm feeling better today, but all I've done is drink. I'm not ready to try eating yet. So now I'm just praying the worst is over and that Jesse, mom & dad don't get it! I had to shampoo my loveseat twice last week just from the girls throwing up on it. I hate stomach bugs! hate them, hate them, hate them!

on to the GOOD news! I took Ariel to her first concert ever on October 29th. Of course if you read my blog, you know we went to see The New Kids on the Block!!! Can we say the concert absolutely ROCKED?! I swear they have only gotten better with age! Ariel, in typical five year old fashion, didn't have to pee during the opening acts (Natasha Bedingfield and Lady Gaga) or intermissions. Noooo. Literally three minutes before they make their grand entrance, she looks at me and says, "I have to pee and no I can't hold it". So we make our way to the bathrooms and hear them come out and the arena go crazy from the bathroom. LOL. I took a picture of her washing her hands, just for the memory of how we started the concert. I took tons of video snippets. Our seats were awesome! And we got a surprise... the guys ended up running straight in front of us! The wonderful people in front of us let Ariel come down a row with them so she could see them.. and Danny, Donnie & Jordan all grabbed her hand! Can we say lucky?! We've been on cloud 9 all week... I pray the come back on tour again. We'll definitely be going. Well, well, well worth it!!!

I could scream

I swear nothing frustrates me more than someone acting like a jerk towards my kids. Appearently Ariel got fingerprints on my brother's beloved PSP. Well... why did you let her play it in the first place?! He harps about how it was a $200 toy... uh yeah it sucks to have someone mess up something you pay for, doesn't it? Think of how mad I was when you wrecked the car I gave mom and dad that cost me a couple thousand.. then proceeded to kick it and call it a "piece of shit". I have told Ariel to never ask him to play it again. I will buy her her own before I let her play his anymore.

It must be nice to sit around either on the computer, in a bedroom or all over my furniture, eat, watch tv & not lift a finger around this house. I can understand it's hard to find a job... I havent gotten a call either but I look everday and not only that I do housework and take care of three kids. Sure they are my kids.. yeah it's my job.. and I would never ask anyone else to do it. EVER. But instead of walking around and bossing my kids around and sighing and acting completely annoyed all the time... do something. Of course since mom and dad are helping with the bills, I guess it's just a free ride to him. Must be nice. I'd love to be 25 and not have anything better to do with myself. And then I hear from dad how poor Patrick has nothing to do around here. Oh bless his heart. If you could see how big my eyes roll at that one. yes, I am being a bitch. No I dont care. I wouldnt be bothered as much if he didnt act as if living here were a nightmare. Honestly he doesnt have it bad. He has his own room as opposed to Jesse and I having to share one with our three kids. He doesnt have any bills. He has to put up with my kids... big flippin deal. They arent bad kids.. yeah they can get on your nerves but they are just babies. Get over it. If you can't do that... take a hike. He's not horrible all the time but some days that boy can just crawl over every single nerve in my body!

There rant over... now I'm off to post about something that makes me happy. Hopefully I can be done seething!

I have come to realize

I love my girls... all the same.. with all of my heart. But I have come to find that a part of me is a bit more protective over Clarity. Maybe because she's not the oldest or the youngest... she's the middle baby. Maybe I'm worried about her being lost in the shuffle. I'm not sure but I battled these feelings yesterday. I got all bent out of shape over something that was said about her which probably wasn't said with bad intentions. I stormed around and huffed and puffed all day. Then in typical Frances fashion, I got over it and realized I was probably blowing things way out of proportion. I tend to do that more than I care to admit. I'm just glad I'm one of those people that just goes and cools off before I blow up over nothing. If I can be alone when I'm that upset, I'm good. Jesse has learned when I'm in a "mood" to just leave me alone or he'll be in for a battle. lol. I was all over his case about the bills the other night... it turns out that too much caffeine makes me 'crazy like a bitch' as Jesse says. He tells me this the next day when I couldnt place my finger on why I felt so irritable and had such a headache the night before. I had found a cup of espresso and drank it. I thought he had made it for me, turns out it was his and it had enough espresso to knock a bull out (that's how he drinks it). I'm just glad it didnt make me sick like it usually does. I normally would have puked... instead it just made me grumpy and mean. I guess I'm a mean 'caffeine drunk'. lol. who knew? He said he just let me have my rampage and kept his mouth shut. See.. he's learning!

Once again I have found myself falling off of my blogger train. I can't remember what has gone on since the last time I've posted. Jesse is back from his training (actually he has been since last Wednesday). He's still in training but doing on the job training and learning the ropes of DirecTv with another guy. So far so good. He likes it. This job couldn't have come at a better time. I just keep praying that it's permanent and good to him. He deserves something good! He's trying to find out if he can get Wednesday and Thursday off so he can come with the kids and I to Atlanta. I'm soooo excited! 3 more days and I will be walking into the Gwinnett Arena with Ariel to see the New Kids. I'm so thrilled to share this with her! And then we'll be staying at the Wyndham. I've never stayed in a fancy schmantsy hotel so I'm excited for that too. lol. Normally I would never spend money on a hotel... but with it being in Atlanta, I didn't want to risk going ghetto with my babies.

Everything else is going well. We're all doing good. I'm still job hunting. Mom found a nice job and works 8:30-4:30 Monday through Friday. I think she's happy. I hope so! She deserves to be. I'm glad she's not doing the third shift garbage anymore. And she has weekends off for herself. Woohoo!

He's gone

The girls and I just got back from taking Jesse to meet the guys he travels with for his last few days of training in Greenville, SC. I must say I hate city driving! I hate battling to get on the interstate from a ramp that ends the second you get on it. gah! I made it though, safe and sound. Thank God! lol. So I'll be picking Jesse up Wednesday. The guys decided to carpool and leave one night earlier so they can get some studying in. While he's gone I need to seriously get to work organizing and cleaning this house. Things have been so hectic lately that's one thing I really need to do!

I took the girls to see Grandma & Paw Paw Thursday night. We went over to see them again for a bit Friday morning until they had to leave to take Grandma to a doctor appointment so we spent the rest of the day at Aunt Linda's and the girls played with Brandon. That little man cracks me up. He calls everyone "mommy". He was chasing after Clarity going, "mommy! mommy!". She looked at him like he was nuts and said "I not your mommy". But the girls had a great time seeing him. Emma girl was pretty good. She ate a whole half of a banana while we were there. Obviously I was starving the child. lol. I wanted to get pics of the girls with everyone but wouldnt you know... my camera batteries...dead. Figures. One of these days I will learn to be more prepared.

Ariel has a four day weekend off from school. She doesnt go back until Tuesday. It's nice having her home. Sometimes with her in school, I feel the weeks just blur by. So having these days to spend with her.. I love it. Even if her and Clarity do have their moments of fighting and driving me completely crazy. I dont think I could live without the chaos these three girls bring in my life. No let me rephrase that I KNOW I couldnt!

Emmalyn has just started eating those puff things. She LOVES them! She'll sit in her walker with and just eat & eat & eat them. It keeps her busy and happy and lets me do other things. A happy baby = a happy mama!

Knock on Wood

Shall I say it? More good news? After Jesse got out of doing satellite work he sold his Birdog (a satellite finder). It costs around $400. We knew with him going back into this line of work, this is something he'd have to have. The company he works for allows him to purchase it through them at a bit of a discount and then takes like $50 from each check until it's paid off. That was a relief. But it gets better. He calls me last night and tells me that as of last week they are just going to provide them. He wont get to keep it but that saves us $$. YAY! He also said he *thinks* he got in on time to get a $500 Christmas bonus. I sure hope so! We were both worried about how we were going to give the girls a Christmas. I mean sure I know they'd get gifts from family but as parents you always want to be able to give your babies something yourself. Maybe it's a pride thing. Probably so.

Jess is on his way home & I can't wait until he gets here. He can drive me absolutely crazy but when he's gone, I miss him. I know he's missed me and the girls.. so it will be nice that we can have him home for the weekend. It's going to fly by. Then he'll be gone again all next week. Home for the weekend again and gone the whole week after. Then he'll FINALLY be done with training and be able to go to work.

Jesse's going to work on my van this weekend. He thinks it may just be a battery problem. That would be nice! We'll see. I've decided I'm renting a van to go to Atlanta though. Just in case. 19 more days and counting....

Good news... Bad news...

Let's start with the bad news. The bad news is my van won't start. Everytime I go to crank it, it makes a click click click click click noise. Not good. My dad thinks it's the starter. wonderful. We'll see what happens from here. I'm not sure how it will be fixed or where we will get the $$. Thank God my parents are here... that's all I know.

Now on to the news that brought me great joy to read. lol. I was doing a search on Jesse's biological donor (he is not a father in my opinion). All I was really googling for was to try to find out if that business sold or not. I'm praying he is stuck with it and with his house that he took two mortgages out on. I know that's mean... I just hate how he always gets away with every bad thing he does and has no remorse whatsoever. Anyhow in my search I find out he was arrested for a DUI on August 29th. YAY!! lol. He was released the same day but hopefully he has a court date, will be found guilty and have to serve some time. I cannot stand people that drive drunk or even buzzed. Too many innocent lives are lost by something so prevenatable so DUI is a huge huge huge no no in my book. I'm glad he got caught! Good!

Maybe it's time things are coming back to him...

A bit of a revelation

Is exactly what I had driving around this morning. I was looking at the mountains on the way to Sylva and the leaves are starting to change colors. I must say, I love fall. It's my favorite time of year. Everything was just so pretty and for a minute... things were okay. There was no credit crisis, no all time high unemployment rates, no debt, no worries. It was just me admiring the beauty of these mountains. Then I began to pray.. asking God to forgive me for doubting at times that he will take care of us and just thanking him for everything. I was listening to Steven Curtis during this and Speechless was on... what I'm about to type is so powerful to me...

" So what kind of love could this be that would trade a soul for a cross?
And to think you still celebrate over finding just one who was lost.
And to know you rejoice over us this God of the whole universe,
It's a story that's too great for words."


At this moment I realized God does love my family. We have been put through a lot this past year. And maybe I'm just finally realizing that God does these things to shake me up. It seems when life is smooth sailing.. I dont spend time with him as I should. Things get rocky and I come running asking him to help. That's tough to admit. But.. it's true. So for now I'm going to take it day by day.. and leave everything to him. I'm going to try to strengthen my relationship with him and grow. I'm sure God gets frustrated with me like I do with my kids.. you try to lead them the right way but they want to fight and struggle. But there comes that point where they learn.. and they listen... and you're so proud of them and you just love them to no end. It's taking me a long time but maybe I'm finally getting to that point with God. Where I'm willing to listen and learn and trust. It's hard to fathom that God loves us as much as I love my girls...but I know he does. That is an amazing love.

Oh yeah...

Only 20 more days until Ariel & I go to Atlanta to see....

Can we say EXCITED?! Both of us just can't wait!!

The new pics!

Holy Smokes

It seems as if it's been ages since I've been able to update this! Things have just been crazy busy. My parents & brother are finally with us. Mom is still going to Murphy (she stays with my aunt) to work until she finds a job here. I dont think she'll have any trouble. She has an interview today so I pray that goes well and they put her with a client in Waynesville so she can work close by. That would be great!

Jesse has officially started his traning with Mastec (another satellite company) but this time he doesnt have to buy the supplies, he gets paid by the hour, we'll be able to get insurance (for now we're just going with the dental. we both have work that needs to be done and really that's all we can afford to have taken out of his check at the moment. Hopefully we'll get caught up soon and can do the health insurance). They also give him a gas card and a cell phone and he'll be driving the company van and bringing it home. He's excited.. it sounds like it's a nice job. Now lets all jsut pray that it works out and he doesnt get laid off anymore! He's in South Carolina for his training. I miss him!! He'll be coming home this weekend. Then he'll go back Monday-Friday and come home that weekend.. then go back for one more week. At least it's paid training. Always a plus! (I just realized I didnt make a post about him getting laid off from the car sales job. Yeah a dealership they had in Florida closed so the experienced salesman from there were coming up here and the two new guys got bumped out. THANK GOD that very day Mastec called Jesse asking him if he needed a job and if he'd come in for an interview. He had applied for this job months ago. Crazy how things work out!)

I'm still looking for work. I'm going to apply with Pizza Hut today. Hopefully soon I'll have a job. That would be nice!

The girls are doing wonderful. Clarity... my claire bear... is a royal pain in the arse. But she has a way of looking at you with this big puppy eyes and a little pout... and for a moment you feel bad for getting on to her... until she DOES IT AGAIN two seconds later. lol.

Ariel still loves school and seems to be learning a lot. she cops an attitude at times and that drives me nuts... but I have 13 more years of that to look forward to and it's just going to get worse, so I better get used to it!

I took some pics of the kids the other day at the playground (we took them to play at Ariel's school). So look for that in the next post!

My Littlest One

is getting so big! It's rediculous how fast time is going by and all the new stuff she is learning. She'll be 7 months old tomorrow and she's already pretty much got the crawling thing down, she can go from crawling to sitting on her own without any help from me, and last night she was trying to pull herself into a stand while trying to climb up on Jesse while he was laying in the floor. It just doesn't seem fair! Where is my tiny baby we were bringing home from the hospital just 7 short months ago?!

I really need to take pics and video. These past few weeks have been flying by and so much has happened, I've totally slacked on that. I need to get my rear in gear!

Ariel is doing great in school. She loves it and seems to be learning so much! I love it when she comes home with cute pictures and paintings for me. And to think I was afraid to send her... when it's been so good for her! We're looking into moving and this will mean transferring her to a new school. I HATE that but we have to do what is best for the whole family. The girls online tell me that Ariel will adjust just fine. I pray they are right! We should hear back about a house we looked at on Monday. We hope to be moved around the 1st so the sooner we hear something the better that way we can plan to meet her new teacher, see the school, and slowly ease her into it. I just dont want to throw her into a totally new environment and not prepare her at all.

Clarity has hit the horrendous 3's. LOL. No she's a great kid and I love her to pieces but she has become really trying lately. And she is a walking tornado leaving wreckage in her wake! I can't stay on top of the housework with her! I went through the same thing with Ariel so I know it's just the age and it will get better. Seems like overnight she went from my cuddly quiet Clairebear to a non stop jabbering mess maker! hehe. Gotta love it!

One of the FUNNIEST movies

I have ever seen! I now Pronounce you Chuck & Larry! I have just gotten around to watching this one and it's hilarious. I've always loved Adam Sandler & Kevin James...and getting both of them in the same movie was hitting a jackpot. I giggled so much during it. I'm probably going to watch it again with Jesse since he didn't watch it with me last night. He's not a homophobe but he is weird about seeing anything "gay".. kind of like he has this attitude if it's their thing, great, but I don't want a part of that. but I think even he would enjoy this one!

So much has happened

Actually it's insane the amount of mess that has happened since I posted last.

Yesterday I got a call from Brittany that mom & dad's trailer burned to the ground. Thank God mom, dad & Patrick were all able to make it out okay. They think all of the animals made it out even though there are cats that aren't accounted for. It's kind of surreal. They lost everything. I'm just glad they all got out alive, that's all that matters. Material things can be replaced, they can't. From what I heard the trailer burned really quickly.. as they do. I'm not sure what's going to happen over the next few days, but I guess I'll know more as mom finds out and lets me know.

I actually got a job.. and it lasted all of like.. I dunno.. 5 days! lol. I know that's not really funny and I should be embarrassed but I can honestly say it is totally not my fault and the person that hired me was a nutjob. I go to work one night and she has me training for a med tech and supervisor in charge position. It sounds all great right? Well no. Not really. You didn't get a raise for doing it, it just meant a ton more paperwork, giving out meds, and on your days off being "on call" in case a PCA called in. No thanks! So I left the supervisor a note (couldnt talk to her in person as I was working third shift and she was on first). I explained that between working nights and having to watch the girls during the day too while Jesse worked, I wanted no part of having responsibility like giving meds and doing important paperwork until I found a way to get more sleep. The next day, I was planning to call in anyways after one of the residents had a psycho moment that scared the you know what out of me... So I go to call in and the girl says "Oh Denise wanted to let you know she doesn't need you anymore". Good thing I called in.. they were going to let me drive 35 miles to tell me when I got there. Idgits! So there went that. Let me tell you though a CNA should get paid way more than they do for all the stuff they have to deal with! I have a new respect for them.. totally.It takes a special person to do what they do. I'm glad I had the experience... I dont think I'm one of those special people. lol.

Jesse's found a new job. He's a car salesman. Yes, he has taken on a job where people think he's sleazy and just a money grubber. But it's the only job that called him back after all the applications he put out. I pray he's good at this, there's good money to be made. He's still in training, not out on the lot yet, but with prayers once he is, he'll do fine at it. He doesnt want to be one of those salesman that no one trusts or thinks he's out to rip them a new one, he just wants to be honest and sell as many cars as he can to help us make a living.

Other than that, we're just hanging in there. Playing powerball faithfully. lol. Maybe one of these days! As for now, I'm looking for another job... and taking care of these three beautiful girlies! And staring around my home that looks like an F-5 tornado tore it up... and trying my best to find the motivation to get up and clean it!

Roll with the Punches

That's what we have to do but sometimes I feel we are fighting with one really big bully! I'm hoping someday Jesse & I can look back and be proud of ourselves for getting through everything that gets thrown our way and surviving in one piece. Jeff finally called Jesse back last night. Money has run out (thanks to a brother that squandered it) and Jeff can't afford any of the help... he doesnt have money for himself... so basically it's, "start looking for something else". Again. Didn't this just happen to us? I swear it did. I keep telling myself things will be okay. We'll get through it. God will pull us through... but there is this human side of my faith. The side that says oh my God we are never going to be okay. We just keep sinking deeper & deepeer into debt. We're at the point where there is no where else to sink to cause we're about out. Then what? I'm praying for a miracle. Wondering what God is wanting us to do. Why this is happening. They say God never closes a door without opening another... but I really wish they would stop slamming shut in our faces. I have to keep faith.. I KNOW God is there. I KNOW he will take care of us & he has a plan for us.There is just that tiny human doubt that tells me to stop kidding myself but I have to get rid of that or it can only get worse. If God is testing my faith he's really doing a good job...
I'm praying for a miracle. I'm going to go play powerball. lol.