Recent Pics of the Girls

The three biggest blessings of my life

I'm bias.. but I think they are some of the most adorable girls!

Okay this parade is getting old...

Emma girl checking out some teddy bears someone in the Christmas parade gave her.. how nice!

I'm not sure where she got this.. but she was doing a samarai type bow saying "why don't you cook for the master?" and acting like her straw was a sword and bowing her head. Hilarious!! The girl is a total trip!!

Clarity and "her" kitty... CJ.. doesnt the cat look soo happy? lol

Ariel the drama queen.. but God knows I love her!

My sweet Clarity (well at least she was at this moment)

She's always into some mischief!

Emmalyn... you are such a mess! But you're oh so cute! lol

Behind every dark cloud

There really is a silver lining. Last night I was hit with a wave of sadness unexpectedly. I went into my laundry room and cried until I had a splitting headache... but I tell you it felt GOOD. Well besides the headache. I will say over & over again that my Grandpa is in Heaven and not suffering and I'm happy for that... but darn it... that doesn't stop me from missing him to pieces! And even though I didn't get to see him too often.. just knowing there's that void and he's not there (at least not physically).. hurts.

But God is good. In spite of all this that we're going through.. I got what I consider.. one of the most awesome gifts. My Uncle Mike got in touch with me!! It's been so long since I've heard from him... so seeing that he had made a comment on my blog in my email... wow... it was really something that brightened my day!

I'm probably going to embarrass him here... but he'll get over it :o) But my Uncle Mike was always someone I looked up to sooo much. As a kid, I don't think anyone made me laugh more and I always remember being so excited if we were going to visit my grandmommy & granddaddy and I knew he was going to be there. He was the funnest Uncle... EVER (I'm sure he's always going to hold that title to me!!!)

So God is good. In the midst of dealing with one of the hardest times ever... he has brought one of the people back into my life that means so much... and I'm so happy about that!

Merry Christmas from God

Have a happy period :o)

%$&#@ !!!!

That's what this house has to look forward to on Christmas Day.

They are already feeling my wrath...

The End

As I was making my earlier post...

My grandpa was on his way to Heaven. My mom called just after I posted the pic of him and the girls to tell me he has passed away. I'm a bit numb at the moment... not really feeling much besides a sense of relief that he isn't laying there suffering anymore. Does that make me a bad person? That I'm not completely falling apart? I'm sure it will hit me more at the funeral but for now.. I know he's happy. I know he's in Heaven seeing people he's missed so much since he's been here... my uncle Reid, his parents & some of his siblings... and even people I have no idea about.

We will miss him. No doubt. More than he could ever know. I will cherish the memories and time God let the kids & I have him. And I will be happy for him. Our grief is a selfish thing. We're sad because WE miss them. But if I know my Grandpa, he's having the best time he's ever had cutting up in Heaven. Feeling perfect... in a perfect place.

They Love Their Paw Paw

Merry Christmas? Not so much...

I am praying I can make Christmas great for the girls. It's going to be so hard though. The weather here lately, crap. Rain & wind & storms. Dreary. Yuck. But it's actually fitting for what's going on.

I guess it wouldn't bother me so bad if I knew my grandpa was going to be around. I took the girls to visit him the other day and it broke my heart into a million pieces to see him the way he was. He didn't look like grandpa (or paw paw as the girls call him). I won't even go into detail how he looked because I know he wouldn't be happy about that. He wouldn't want me to remember him that way. So I'm going to try to remember the happy guy with a great sense of humor that had this laugh that could make you laugh with him. It's hard to think that the other day was probably the last time I'll see him until it's my turn to go be with God. I'm glad I went. To be honest I was avoiding it because I was afraid. I didn't know what I would say. I didn't know what to expect. And honestly it was the same when I was there. I didn't know what to say. I was kind of nervous. But at least I got to kiss him and tell him I loved him... at least the girls got to do the same... and at least he got to tell us back.

It's going to be hard when he does go on to Heaven. But I do know one thing... he won't be hurting anymore. That's about the only thing that gives me comfort. He's stubborn and won't take much for the pain, but you can tell he hurts. He has to be.

Cancer. It sucks. It sucks big. I'm praying one day we find a cure for that garbage. So not one more person has to suffer. It's horrible & it's not fair & no one should ever have to go through it.

Yeah this post is depressing. I'm going to stop now.

Congratulations to Tanedra!!!

In case you have no clue what I'm talking about... lol... I've been following Scream Queens (a show on Vh1) for a few weeks now. The winner of the show gets to be in the Saw VI movie. The girls in the above pic are Tanedra (left) and Lindsay. These two were my faves. Lindsay was actually the one I was really pulling for but I'm very happy with Tanedra winning! What impresses me about her is she has had zero training as an actress. She just has natural talent (and believe me.. this girl is something else!). I admit, I cried when she won. She is very deserving of this. She tried so hard and when they announced her as the winner, she just cried & cried. If I'm not mistaken even one of the male judges got teary eyed. I look forward to seeing her in the new Saw movie. The judges picked the right girl... if a girl named Michelle had won (she was so full of herself it was unbelievable), I wasn't going to watch the new Saw movie period. lol.

Sickos

No, this isn't a rant about perverts... lol.. I'm talking about my kids. Well actually they aren't too sick anymore. After a doctor visit and a few days of antibiotics, they are on the mend. I decided to take them in last Friday & I'm so glad I did. Even though I felt kind of silly taking them in for a cough and runny noses, it turns out my gut was right, and they needed to be checked out. Emmalyn had a double ear infection and Clarity was well on her way. I have to say Emma is the best baby with ear infections ever. She has hardly cried. She has tugged on her ears here and there and fussed a bit at night but nothing too major. The doctor was even impressed because she said her ears were pretty darn red and fluid filled. She had just had her well child check a few days before and her ears were fine. So this happened really fast. All the drainage from a virus just led to infections. yuck.

I had to call Poison Control on miss Clarity on Saturday. I dozed on the couch (I have not been getting too much sleep at night during all this virus stuff) and when I woke up, I found Emma's antibiotics opened up and some spilled on the floor. I ask Clarity if she drank any and she smiles. when they do this, it is not good. I couldn't tell how much she had drank so I called and they kept asking me "well how much?" I had no idea! I mean I had spilled some that morning, there was another spill, I had given Emma doses... so I just guessed worst case scenario and she wasn't even close to the toxic level.. THANK GOD. This kid will be the end of me. I swear it. After I hung up, I wanted to double check so I guesstimated (on the low end) the two spills.. and then emptied out all the antibiotics into a bowl. I accounted for the amount I had given Emmalyn. All in all we were only missing like 20 ml or something like that and I'm sure most of it was spilled. I'm glad the girls don't mind the tasty antibiotics but come on Clarity. How she got the childproof lid off I will never know. I don't think she'll do this again. Between me yelling and threatening to take her to the hospital where they would make her throw up all night long... I think I put the fear of God in her about it. I sure hope so.I'll let Emma finish what she has left then I'll call the doctor and say I spilled it to get a bit of a refill so she can finish. I don't want to tell them the truth.. lol.

Well tonight is the Waynesville Christmas parade. I'll be taking the girls and I hope it's good. It will give me a chance to use the early Christmas present I got for myself. I found a black Friday deal online at Office Max. I got a Nikon Coolpix P60 for $119. Pretty sweet deal! It's not the pretty pink one I had my eyes on but I'm very happy with it!

I better publish this post now. Thank God blogger saves your progress.. my sweet monkey Emma has crawled under my computer desk and hit the surge protector twice on me shutting the computer off. So while she's occupied wrecking havoc elsewhere.. lol.. I'll use this as my chance to post :o)

December

already. Doesn't seem right. Today I was throwing myself into a pity party...over not being able to find a job... never having money for anything... how everyone in the world that I went to school with is successful and I have nothing to show for myself. I was thinking "what a junk year 2008 has been". Then later on I was holding Emma in front of a mirror and she was waving "bye bye" and just being super cute. That's when it hit me.. 2008 wasn't all bad. Without it I wouldn't have my Emma girl. I wouldnt have had all the smiles & joys of watching her grow and learn (as well as my two other girls. Clarity started talking this year. Ariel started school this year). So things are hard right now. so what. I'm not alone. Some days I swear I feel like we are, but we're not. I have to keep my head up and keep faith that God will pull us through and when we finally get out of this low spot we're in and we start going uphill again.... we'll be stronger.

It seems my idea on success has been centered around $$. But in the grand scheme of things... deep down... I know money (or lack thereof) doesn't define who you are. Would it be nice to have it? YES. But I don't want to be rich. I would just like to be comfortable. For the bills to be paid on time every month. For our debt to go down. And one day.. it will. But for now we just have to keep chugging along as we have. I'm changing my idea of success. Success is raising polite, kind kids that will help make the future a better place. Success is being happy with who you are. Success is ultimately living how God would want you to and entering Heaven when your time here is over.

As far as being a better person.. I am going to strive a lot harder.
Here are things that I'd like to change about myself :

1. Letting my past control my future. I have a hard time letting go. I have a hard time forgiving... so Ted messed up royally and we're in a bind now and it's all because Jesse gave him another chance. Well what's done is done. I need to move on. I cannot think of these people and let anger get to me every.single.day. I need to put it behind me. It's nothing I can change. But I can change my attitude. God will deal with them. Hating them and being angry is only hurting myself and my marriage. Placing blame... won't do any good. We are where we are. I need to let God control where we go from here.

2. Not being comfortable in my own skin. I'm not. I feel like I am never good enough. I'm shy and don't think I'm capable of anything that will amount to much. I need to get over it. I am who I am. No changing that. My husband loves me. My kids love me. Why can't I love me? and why do I always feel the need to wonder why they do?

3. Being jealous. I hate when I have that "they have it better" feeling. Sometimes it takes me telling myself to just stop and think of people that have it worse to make me feel grateful for what I have. There are starving kids.. dying babies... families on the streets. I feel guilty when I feel jealous and so I should. We may not have much... we may struggle... but we are okay. And I'm sure the saying "the grass isn't always greener on the other side" would prove to be true.

and so... I am going to strive to be better. Strive to have more faith. Strive to be someone my kids will grow up and think "wow.. I'm proud she is my mom". Happiness lies in our own hands and lately I've been the one to blame for being uphappy. The good news is.. I have the power to change that. And I will.

Thanksgiving

well... it just wasn't this year. Don't get me wrong.. I am thankful. For every single day. For my family. For my girls (who are no doubt my life). For my husband. For having a roof over our heads and food in our tummies. Thanksgiving Day, however, was just bad. My grandpa was in the hospital with a collapsed lung. My mom was out there with them (don't blame her a bit... this is just showing my family was not together). It was just dad, myself, the girls and Jesse. Jesse and I were at each other's throats. I ended up getting in the truck with the three girls and going shopping alone. Had my dad not been here and needed food, I would have gotten a hotel room and let Jesse wonder if I was ever coming back. I even left my cell at home. Do I remember what started the fight? nope. Sure don't. But I do know we were both just so angry. And we never argue like that. We have little bickers here and there but this was one of those fights where at that moment... you swear you just loathe them. You wonder why you got married. You daydream of your escape. Yeah that was nice. Thanksgiving. lol. I came back home a couple hours later and he walks up to the truck and apologizes sincerely. Tells me how much he loves me. Me.. being me... says this, "Yeah you better be. I should punch you in your face. But I love you too". We hugged & after that, we were totally fine. Like we never argued at all. We made shrimp scampi and steamed green beans for dinner and Jesse and I made that chocolate chip brownie cheesecake for dessert and this time.. it rocked. It was Martha Stewart quality. Pretty and all! So besides my grandpa being sick, my terrible mood all day, the fight...Thanksgiving ended on a good note. It started out crap. But what matters is it finished okay, I guess.

Ariel just went back to school. She has been off a full week. Today they had a 2 hour delay. Yesterday was a snow day. We ended up getting close to two inches. Of course it's all melted off now.. but she was glad her Thanksgiving break lasted a little longer. To be honest.. me too. I miss that girl! She is fiery and can get a smart mouth but she is still "my baby" and on her good days... the sweetest little girl ever.

Emmalyn and Clarity are sick. Congestion. Congestion. Congestion. Horrible coughs. Last night was miserable. I feel I got zero sleep. Emma kept waking up crying and choking. Poor kids. Will this house ever be well?! I'm beginning to wonder.

I'm sure there's more I'll be back to type. Things I've missed. But my mind is blank. All I can think of is how I need to clean my house and get somewhat back into a routine. A week of things being thrown off... really throws you off! My house is a wreck. My kids are snotting on themselves. I could use a shower. Time to get things done.

The paranoid mama

in me is back. Ariel has had a few lymph nodes in her neck for a while now. She has seen a pediatrician twice to ease my mind and two different ones have said "not a thing to worry about". This has been nearly a year & I have been fine. Until the other day. Someone posted about a beautiful little girl with lymphoma. She had the same thing. Her mom was told she was fine. Blood tests came back fine. Yet they find out later she had cancer all along. So now... I want to cry. Not only do I want to cry for that beautiful little seven year old that should be chasing butterflies, playing with her friends, and having the time of her life instead of battling chemo... I want to cry cause I'm paranoid to death about Ariel. I'm sure she's fine. I've made the mistake of using google and does that help? Of course not! We all know that is the WORST thing to do! I've also read to never pay attention to the neck cause it's easy to feel lymph nodes and worry yourself to death (as I am doing). They are small.. pea size... they move around... she's not sick (besides a cold)...she's not in pain... all logic points to a healthy little five year old girl. People have told me this over and over for as long as I can remember... I am my own worst enemy. I just checked her neck and one feels much bigger but then again she was running a fever last night, she has a cold... and it's probably her body fighting infection.. I'm a mess... I swear. I'll be taking her to the doctor again in a couple of weeks if they don't go down. If I took her right now the doctor would be like, "um.. she's got a cold. This is normal for them to do. duh". I should just go to medical school and become a doctor so I can sit around and annoy the crap out of my family by running tests all day. lol. Someone please tell me why I am so overly paranoid and borderline psychotic when it comes to my children?! I donate money to St. Judes everytime they send me something. I read the stories, look at the pictures, cry my eyes out and say a prayer, and whether we have money to spare or not, I send some. I wish they would find a cure for cancer. It's not fair for ANYONE to have to deal with it... but it's just especially unfair for it to be a child or baby!

What I want... My cheesecake... and a big scare!

So let's start out with what I want. My mom and I were in walmart yesterday and I found myself wandering over to the digital cameras. While my dream would be to get a Canon Rebel or something... I have to remember.... we are not rich. lol. But this camera was on display and I want it!
Not only do I love the fact that it is *pink*.. I love the big screen and the pics I took while it was in demo mode. My digital right now, I've had since Clarity was born. It's a bulky little thing and the focus is in and out and it's only like 4 megapixels... so I'm ready for something else! I called Jesse and told him this is what I want. We'll see if I get it. I sure hope so!

On to my cheesecake. I finally did it. I made my very first cheesecake. And obviously, I'm no pioneer woman! It doesn't help when you have a three year old messing with your oven behind your back and totally screwing with your cooking time! My brownie crust is a bit black on the bottom (thank goodness you can just scrape it off easily) and my cheesecake has more cracks in it than the Grand Canyon. As I was making this thing I'm picturing a fabulous result that I would just ooh and aah over and feel like freaking Martha Stewart. As usual, that didn't happen. I'm not going to let it get me down (though I admit I was hugely disappointed when I pulled the thing out). I'll try again and I'll probably make one for Thanksgiving but I need to find a good topping.... maybe I can cover up the craters and make it "pretty" if it comes out a mutant next time like it did this time.

And now what you've been waiting for. My big scare! I had a dream last night that just shook me up. I woke up feeling a bit of panic. I had a dream.... dun dun dun.... I found out I was pregnant again! noooooo! In my dream I was freaked out and that feeling stayed with me as I woke up. This is how I know Emmalyn is a handful in a half. All I can say is Thank God that was just a dream! I may feel differently when she is Ariel's age but for right now... she is more than I can handle!

BRRR!!!

okay winter is hitting way earlier this year than in any year I can remember. I'm just not talking about the cold (which I must say...sucks!) but we have had two snowfalls already. Mind you I'm not talking blizzards. But the first time (October 27th.. if you can believe that) we got a few inches. Friday we just had a dusting but a lot of ice on the roads.. and we had our first official "snow day" from school. Thank God! Ariel has been battling a cold and I haven't let her miss any school because of it so I was glad I didn't have to wake her up to go yesterday.

Last night I started getting the barking cough. Thank God that fit only lasted about 20 minutes. I sounded like a seal. The poor girls have it off and on. All three of them. Another reason winter is not my season of choice! lol. I guess I'm going to have to go out and buy tissues today. Clarity and Emmalyn have the thick green rivers starting to come out of their nose. How gross! lol. I'll be so glad when this home is healthy again. This sick stuff is definitely wearing out its welcome!

Well I'm off to clean the house... it is in desperate need. You wouldn't know I had it okay looking a couple of days ago. With three kids, it's amazing how fast things go downhill if you don't stay on top of things. I'm also going to do my first attempt at making a cheesecake today. I'm excited. I found a recipe for a brownie chocolate chip cheesecake. It looks so yummy. If I make it and it's good, I'll make another one to take over to Grandma and Paw Paw's for Thanksgiving.

On another note, yesterday was my dad's birthday :o) We went out to eat at Ryan's last night and had a very yummy dinner!

What am I going to do with her?

Emmalyn = the most needy baby ever. She is not happy in her walker, her jumparoo, on the floor, in a swing, nothing. She is happy only when someone is holding her and a majority of the time it has to be me. Otherwise she either does a super cry or whines non stop. I love her to pieces, couldn't live without her, but wow does it make things hard to get accomplished. My tree... still not decorated. My room still not cleaned. My laundry.. you get the picture. I've tried to let her cry it out... and I've let her cry until she chokes and nearly gags herself to oblivion. I've tried toys. I've tried bringing her into the room I'm working. Nothing works and I'm at a loss. She was my last and of course I held her and held her... I swore I wouldn't but I did. This is the price I pay. I hope she outgrows it soon. I love being needed.. but she's a bit much. lol. I always tell Jesse if she had been born first, we'd only have one. She's so lucky God made her so blessed cute.

Right now she's crawling around on the floor and playing with her sisters... my opportunity to do something but alas.. here I am. I did do the dishes, clean the kitchen, clean the playroom and pick up the living room a bit. I'm about to go cook dinner so I guess I am getting some stuff done. Just nearly not as much as I'd like.

Other than that, same old same old around here. oh Ariel did start bringing home little readers from school... she reads them to me and I have to sign a paper saying she did... I have to say I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!! I can't believe what a little lady she's becoming. I can still so vividly remember the day she was born.. and now she's about to turn 6, reading, and talking about boys *gasp*. Where is my baby?

And Miss Clarity... she's a mess. She's an adorable mess. She's getting big as well but still so much a baby to me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because she still has some baby fat on her face and just really started talking within the past few months. Maybe I'm just a tad more protective over her being the middle child so she doesn't feel lost in the shuffle. I'm not sure. But she is my princess. My three year old, tantrum throwing, mess making, sit in your lap and give lots of cuddles and kisses, princess.

As much as my kids can drive me crazy.. I have to say... being a mom is what I was born to do. I love it with every ounce of my being. As long as they grow up happy, loving and respectful little girls... all the hard times when I question my ability to be a mother... will be so worth it.

I feel like shyte!

It seems completely wrong to me for someone to get over one bug and jump right into another, yet I have accomplished it! Go me... or not! Last week I had either food poisoning or a stomach bug straight from the depths of hell... Thank God it only lasted a day... but man. That was AWFUL! Completely and totally AWFUL! Today I was fine until about I'd say 2 hours ago. I was supposed to go donate blood at Ariel's school blood drive. My throat was feeling a bit funny but I thought nothing of it. Come time for me to leave... it is horrible. I have a headache. The side of my neck feels swollen. My ear hurts. ARG!! No, No, No, No, No!! I dont want this. Take it back!
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This was what I started working on last Thursday, I believe. Here it is Monday morning and my sore throat is FINALLY going away. But guess what.. Emmalyn and Clarity have come down with a major cold with congestion. So I guess yet again some bug has invaded my home! I started getting stuffy last night too. Yay! The bug I got last Thursday was a monster. I ended up running a fever, horrible sore throat, sore muscles and bones... yuck yuck yuck. I'm really beginning to hate winter!

Speaking of winter, it's flippin cold. I told Jesse winter just started and I'm ready for it to be hot again. At least if it's hot outside, you can go play in a pool or in water and cool off. There's not much you can do to stay warm during the winter besides coop yourself up inside with 999 billion germs. As soon as we are all heatlhy again we are running and getting our flu shots ASAP. I should have done it earlier. What can I say.. I am the queen of procrastination.

I can't believe how fast Christmas is coming up! Just a little over a month..and not a lick of shopping done. oh well. As I always say, "I have time". lol. Jesse and I bought some new ornaments for our tree. We're doing a silver, burgundy and white theme this year. We've been doing silver and blue for as long as I can remember and this year I wanted to switch it up. Our tree is down and put together but I still have to do the yucky part of folding down the branches and trying to make them look 'just so' . I love decorating the tree... I hate doing that! lol. But I'm going to get that done today. I have a ton to do. Lots of cleaning, Christmas decorating.... I better get my rear off the computer so I can get started.

Hopefully my sick, precious Emma girl will let me get it done!

What was he thinking?!

Jesse went over to Nate's a few days ago to get his ladder... he comes home and tells me that Nate now has four yorkie pups. Why did he tell me this?! lol. I dont want to see them. I've already done my begging. The fact that Jesse was even going to ask about how much they want for one, speaks volumes for me. Then Jess was talking about how he nice the mommy & daddy are and how small they are and.... he's cracking. I see it. They'd be ready to go at Christmas.. how nice of a present would that be? But I'm putting it out of my mind. He hasn't said anymore about it so I'm assuming they are probably just too much for us to even think about. He told me last night maybe someday. Ah, yes, maybe someday. I started looking them up online and they dont shed (a major plus) and they dont have that "dog" smell. That's the perfect kind of dog for me. lol. I'm always going to want one. Always have.

And in other news.. unless you live under a rock... you know that our new president elect is Obama. Yippee. Notice the lack of an exclamation point there. lol. That wasn't who Jesse and I voted for. But he's the choice of the people ,I guess, so there's nothing I can do about it. I just PRAY & PRAY I'm wrong about him. I pray that things will be okay. But I'll admit.. I'm nervous. Not because he's black (that has nothing to do with anything in my eyes)... but he just doesnt sit right with me. He reminds me of a player.. such a smoooottth talker. We shall see. I just keep this country in my prayers. change is coming as he says... Lord just let it be good. And if it isn't good... please watch over this country.. my family & friends.

This video made me laugh so hard! Jordan... you rock!

a bit of video

Some pics from the concert

Highs & Lows

We'll start out with the low point of the week (save the BESTEST for last, right?). Ariel came down with a stomach virus last Monday. She threw up Monday night, missed school Tuesday, I pulled her out early on Wednesday (to go to Atlanta.. shhh), she missed school Thurdsay (mainly because of the Atlanta thing but she wouldnt have gone anyways because she ended up having major diarrhea), she did go to school Friday but after she came home, she threw up! So that was a lot of fun! Clarity ended up getting it and puking for a few days herself. Last night I didnt feel good. I thought I was gonna lose it, but never did, Thank God! I'm feeling better today, but all I've done is drink. I'm not ready to try eating yet. So now I'm just praying the worst is over and that Jesse, mom & dad don't get it! I had to shampoo my loveseat twice last week just from the girls throwing up on it. I hate stomach bugs! hate them, hate them, hate them!

on to the GOOD news! I took Ariel to her first concert ever on October 29th. Of course if you read my blog, you know we went to see The New Kids on the Block!!! Can we say the concert absolutely ROCKED?! I swear they have only gotten better with age! Ariel, in typical five year old fashion, didn't have to pee during the opening acts (Natasha Bedingfield and Lady Gaga) or intermissions. Noooo. Literally three minutes before they make their grand entrance, she looks at me and says, "I have to pee and no I can't hold it". So we make our way to the bathrooms and hear them come out and the arena go crazy from the bathroom. LOL. I took a picture of her washing her hands, just for the memory of how we started the concert. I took tons of video snippets. Our seats were awesome! And we got a surprise... the guys ended up running straight in front of us! The wonderful people in front of us let Ariel come down a row with them so she could see them.. and Danny, Donnie & Jordan all grabbed her hand! Can we say lucky?! We've been on cloud 9 all week... I pray the come back on tour again. We'll definitely be going. Well, well, well worth it!!!

I could scream

I swear nothing frustrates me more than someone acting like a jerk towards my kids. Appearently Ariel got fingerprints on my brother's beloved PSP. Well... why did you let her play it in the first place?! He harps about how it was a $200 toy... uh yeah it sucks to have someone mess up something you pay for, doesn't it? Think of how mad I was when you wrecked the car I gave mom and dad that cost me a couple thousand.. then proceeded to kick it and call it a "piece of shit". I have told Ariel to never ask him to play it again. I will buy her her own before I let her play his anymore.

It must be nice to sit around either on the computer, in a bedroom or all over my furniture, eat, watch tv & not lift a finger around this house. I can understand it's hard to find a job... I havent gotten a call either but I look everday and not only that I do housework and take care of three kids. Sure they are my kids.. yeah it's my job.. and I would never ask anyone else to do it. EVER. But instead of walking around and bossing my kids around and sighing and acting completely annoyed all the time... do something. Of course since mom and dad are helping with the bills, I guess it's just a free ride to him. Must be nice. I'd love to be 25 and not have anything better to do with myself. And then I hear from dad how poor Patrick has nothing to do around here. Oh bless his heart. If you could see how big my eyes roll at that one. yes, I am being a bitch. No I dont care. I wouldnt be bothered as much if he didnt act as if living here were a nightmare. Honestly he doesnt have it bad. He has his own room as opposed to Jesse and I having to share one with our three kids. He doesnt have any bills. He has to put up with my kids... big flippin deal. They arent bad kids.. yeah they can get on your nerves but they are just babies. Get over it. If you can't do that... take a hike. He's not horrible all the time but some days that boy can just crawl over every single nerve in my body!

There rant over... now I'm off to post about something that makes me happy. Hopefully I can be done seething!

I have come to realize

I love my girls... all the same.. with all of my heart. But I have come to find that a part of me is a bit more protective over Clarity. Maybe because she's not the oldest or the youngest... she's the middle baby. Maybe I'm worried about her being lost in the shuffle. I'm not sure but I battled these feelings yesterday. I got all bent out of shape over something that was said about her which probably wasn't said with bad intentions. I stormed around and huffed and puffed all day. Then in typical Frances fashion, I got over it and realized I was probably blowing things way out of proportion. I tend to do that more than I care to admit. I'm just glad I'm one of those people that just goes and cools off before I blow up over nothing. If I can be alone when I'm that upset, I'm good. Jesse has learned when I'm in a "mood" to just leave me alone or he'll be in for a battle. lol. I was all over his case about the bills the other night... it turns out that too much caffeine makes me 'crazy like a bitch' as Jesse says. He tells me this the next day when I couldnt place my finger on why I felt so irritable and had such a headache the night before. I had found a cup of espresso and drank it. I thought he had made it for me, turns out it was his and it had enough espresso to knock a bull out (that's how he drinks it). I'm just glad it didnt make me sick like it usually does. I normally would have puked... instead it just made me grumpy and mean. I guess I'm a mean 'caffeine drunk'. lol. who knew? He said he just let me have my rampage and kept his mouth shut. See.. he's learning!

Once again I have found myself falling off of my blogger train. I can't remember what has gone on since the last time I've posted. Jesse is back from his training (actually he has been since last Wednesday). He's still in training but doing on the job training and learning the ropes of DirecTv with another guy. So far so good. He likes it. This job couldn't have come at a better time. I just keep praying that it's permanent and good to him. He deserves something good! He's trying to find out if he can get Wednesday and Thursday off so he can come with the kids and I to Atlanta. I'm soooo excited! 3 more days and I will be walking into the Gwinnett Arena with Ariel to see the New Kids. I'm so thrilled to share this with her! And then we'll be staying at the Wyndham. I've never stayed in a fancy schmantsy hotel so I'm excited for that too. lol. Normally I would never spend money on a hotel... but with it being in Atlanta, I didn't want to risk going ghetto with my babies.

Everything else is going well. We're all doing good. I'm still job hunting. Mom found a nice job and works 8:30-4:30 Monday through Friday. I think she's happy. I hope so! She deserves to be. I'm glad she's not doing the third shift garbage anymore. And she has weekends off for herself. Woohoo!

He's gone

The girls and I just got back from taking Jesse to meet the guys he travels with for his last few days of training in Greenville, SC. I must say I hate city driving! I hate battling to get on the interstate from a ramp that ends the second you get on it. gah! I made it though, safe and sound. Thank God! lol. So I'll be picking Jesse up Wednesday. The guys decided to carpool and leave one night earlier so they can get some studying in. While he's gone I need to seriously get to work organizing and cleaning this house. Things have been so hectic lately that's one thing I really need to do!

I took the girls to see Grandma & Paw Paw Thursday night. We went over to see them again for a bit Friday morning until they had to leave to take Grandma to a doctor appointment so we spent the rest of the day at Aunt Linda's and the girls played with Brandon. That little man cracks me up. He calls everyone "mommy". He was chasing after Clarity going, "mommy! mommy!". She looked at him like he was nuts and said "I not your mommy". But the girls had a great time seeing him. Emma girl was pretty good. She ate a whole half of a banana while we were there. Obviously I was starving the child. lol. I wanted to get pics of the girls with everyone but wouldnt you know... my camera batteries...dead. Figures. One of these days I will learn to be more prepared.

Ariel has a four day weekend off from school. She doesnt go back until Tuesday. It's nice having her home. Sometimes with her in school, I feel the weeks just blur by. So having these days to spend with her.. I love it. Even if her and Clarity do have their moments of fighting and driving me completely crazy. I dont think I could live without the chaos these three girls bring in my life. No let me rephrase that I KNOW I couldnt!

Emmalyn has just started eating those puff things. She LOVES them! She'll sit in her walker with and just eat & eat & eat them. It keeps her busy and happy and lets me do other things. A happy baby = a happy mama!

Knock on Wood

Shall I say it? More good news? After Jesse got out of doing satellite work he sold his Birdog (a satellite finder). It costs around $400. We knew with him going back into this line of work, this is something he'd have to have. The company he works for allows him to purchase it through them at a bit of a discount and then takes like $50 from each check until it's paid off. That was a relief. But it gets better. He calls me last night and tells me that as of last week they are just going to provide them. He wont get to keep it but that saves us $$. YAY! He also said he *thinks* he got in on time to get a $500 Christmas bonus. I sure hope so! We were both worried about how we were going to give the girls a Christmas. I mean sure I know they'd get gifts from family but as parents you always want to be able to give your babies something yourself. Maybe it's a pride thing. Probably so.

Jess is on his way home & I can't wait until he gets here. He can drive me absolutely crazy but when he's gone, I miss him. I know he's missed me and the girls.. so it will be nice that we can have him home for the weekend. It's going to fly by. Then he'll be gone again all next week. Home for the weekend again and gone the whole week after. Then he'll FINALLY be done with training and be able to go to work.

Jesse's going to work on my van this weekend. He thinks it may just be a battery problem. That would be nice! We'll see. I've decided I'm renting a van to go to Atlanta though. Just in case. 19 more days and counting....

Good news... Bad news...

Let's start with the bad news. The bad news is my van won't start. Everytime I go to crank it, it makes a click click click click click noise. Not good. My dad thinks it's the starter. wonderful. We'll see what happens from here. I'm not sure how it will be fixed or where we will get the $$. Thank God my parents are here... that's all I know.

Now on to the news that brought me great joy to read. lol. I was doing a search on Jesse's biological donor (he is not a father in my opinion). All I was really googling for was to try to find out if that business sold or not. I'm praying he is stuck with it and with his house that he took two mortgages out on. I know that's mean... I just hate how he always gets away with every bad thing he does and has no remorse whatsoever. Anyhow in my search I find out he was arrested for a DUI on August 29th. YAY!! lol. He was released the same day but hopefully he has a court date, will be found guilty and have to serve some time. I cannot stand people that drive drunk or even buzzed. Too many innocent lives are lost by something so prevenatable so DUI is a huge huge huge no no in my book. I'm glad he got caught! Good!

Maybe it's time things are coming back to him...

A bit of a revelation

Is exactly what I had driving around this morning. I was looking at the mountains on the way to Sylva and the leaves are starting to change colors. I must say, I love fall. It's my favorite time of year. Everything was just so pretty and for a minute... things were okay. There was no credit crisis, no all time high unemployment rates, no debt, no worries. It was just me admiring the beauty of these mountains. Then I began to pray.. asking God to forgive me for doubting at times that he will take care of us and just thanking him for everything. I was listening to Steven Curtis during this and Speechless was on... what I'm about to type is so powerful to me...

" So what kind of love could this be that would trade a soul for a cross?
And to think you still celebrate over finding just one who was lost.
And to know you rejoice over us this God of the whole universe,
It's a story that's too great for words."


At this moment I realized God does love my family. We have been put through a lot this past year. And maybe I'm just finally realizing that God does these things to shake me up. It seems when life is smooth sailing.. I dont spend time with him as I should. Things get rocky and I come running asking him to help. That's tough to admit. But.. it's true. So for now I'm going to take it day by day.. and leave everything to him. I'm going to try to strengthen my relationship with him and grow. I'm sure God gets frustrated with me like I do with my kids.. you try to lead them the right way but they want to fight and struggle. But there comes that point where they learn.. and they listen... and you're so proud of them and you just love them to no end. It's taking me a long time but maybe I'm finally getting to that point with God. Where I'm willing to listen and learn and trust. It's hard to fathom that God loves us as much as I love my girls...but I know he does. That is an amazing love.

Oh yeah...

Only 20 more days until Ariel & I go to Atlanta to see....

Can we say EXCITED?! Both of us just can't wait!!

The new pics!

Holy Smokes

It seems as if it's been ages since I've been able to update this! Things have just been crazy busy. My parents & brother are finally with us. Mom is still going to Murphy (she stays with my aunt) to work until she finds a job here. I dont think she'll have any trouble. She has an interview today so I pray that goes well and they put her with a client in Waynesville so she can work close by. That would be great!

Jesse has officially started his traning with Mastec (another satellite company) but this time he doesnt have to buy the supplies, he gets paid by the hour, we'll be able to get insurance (for now we're just going with the dental. we both have work that needs to be done and really that's all we can afford to have taken out of his check at the moment. Hopefully we'll get caught up soon and can do the health insurance). They also give him a gas card and a cell phone and he'll be driving the company van and bringing it home. He's excited.. it sounds like it's a nice job. Now lets all jsut pray that it works out and he doesnt get laid off anymore! He's in South Carolina for his training. I miss him!! He'll be coming home this weekend. Then he'll go back Monday-Friday and come home that weekend.. then go back for one more week. At least it's paid training. Always a plus! (I just realized I didnt make a post about him getting laid off from the car sales job. Yeah a dealership they had in Florida closed so the experienced salesman from there were coming up here and the two new guys got bumped out. THANK GOD that very day Mastec called Jesse asking him if he needed a job and if he'd come in for an interview. He had applied for this job months ago. Crazy how things work out!)

I'm still looking for work. I'm going to apply with Pizza Hut today. Hopefully soon I'll have a job. That would be nice!

The girls are doing wonderful. Clarity... my claire bear... is a royal pain in the arse. But she has a way of looking at you with this big puppy eyes and a little pout... and for a moment you feel bad for getting on to her... until she DOES IT AGAIN two seconds later. lol.

Ariel still loves school and seems to be learning a lot. she cops an attitude at times and that drives me nuts... but I have 13 more years of that to look forward to and it's just going to get worse, so I better get used to it!

I took some pics of the kids the other day at the playground (we took them to play at Ariel's school). So look for that in the next post!

My Littlest One

is getting so big! It's rediculous how fast time is going by and all the new stuff she is learning. She'll be 7 months old tomorrow and she's already pretty much got the crawling thing down, she can go from crawling to sitting on her own without any help from me, and last night she was trying to pull herself into a stand while trying to climb up on Jesse while he was laying in the floor. It just doesn't seem fair! Where is my tiny baby we were bringing home from the hospital just 7 short months ago?!

I really need to take pics and video. These past few weeks have been flying by and so much has happened, I've totally slacked on that. I need to get my rear in gear!

Ariel is doing great in school. She loves it and seems to be learning so much! I love it when she comes home with cute pictures and paintings for me. And to think I was afraid to send her... when it's been so good for her! We're looking into moving and this will mean transferring her to a new school. I HATE that but we have to do what is best for the whole family. The girls online tell me that Ariel will adjust just fine. I pray they are right! We should hear back about a house we looked at on Monday. We hope to be moved around the 1st so the sooner we hear something the better that way we can plan to meet her new teacher, see the school, and slowly ease her into it. I just dont want to throw her into a totally new environment and not prepare her at all.

Clarity has hit the horrendous 3's. LOL. No she's a great kid and I love her to pieces but she has become really trying lately. And she is a walking tornado leaving wreckage in her wake! I can't stay on top of the housework with her! I went through the same thing with Ariel so I know it's just the age and it will get better. Seems like overnight she went from my cuddly quiet Clairebear to a non stop jabbering mess maker! hehe. Gotta love it!

One of the FUNNIEST movies

I have ever seen! I now Pronounce you Chuck & Larry! I have just gotten around to watching this one and it's hilarious. I've always loved Adam Sandler & Kevin James...and getting both of them in the same movie was hitting a jackpot. I giggled so much during it. I'm probably going to watch it again with Jesse since he didn't watch it with me last night. He's not a homophobe but he is weird about seeing anything "gay".. kind of like he has this attitude if it's their thing, great, but I don't want a part of that. but I think even he would enjoy this one!

So much has happened

Actually it's insane the amount of mess that has happened since I posted last.

Yesterday I got a call from Brittany that mom & dad's trailer burned to the ground. Thank God mom, dad & Patrick were all able to make it out okay. They think all of the animals made it out even though there are cats that aren't accounted for. It's kind of surreal. They lost everything. I'm just glad they all got out alive, that's all that matters. Material things can be replaced, they can't. From what I heard the trailer burned really quickly.. as they do. I'm not sure what's going to happen over the next few days, but I guess I'll know more as mom finds out and lets me know.

I actually got a job.. and it lasted all of like.. I dunno.. 5 days! lol. I know that's not really funny and I should be embarrassed but I can honestly say it is totally not my fault and the person that hired me was a nutjob. I go to work one night and she has me training for a med tech and supervisor in charge position. It sounds all great right? Well no. Not really. You didn't get a raise for doing it, it just meant a ton more paperwork, giving out meds, and on your days off being "on call" in case a PCA called in. No thanks! So I left the supervisor a note (couldnt talk to her in person as I was working third shift and she was on first). I explained that between working nights and having to watch the girls during the day too while Jesse worked, I wanted no part of having responsibility like giving meds and doing important paperwork until I found a way to get more sleep. The next day, I was planning to call in anyways after one of the residents had a psycho moment that scared the you know what out of me... So I go to call in and the girl says "Oh Denise wanted to let you know she doesn't need you anymore". Good thing I called in.. they were going to let me drive 35 miles to tell me when I got there. Idgits! So there went that. Let me tell you though a CNA should get paid way more than they do for all the stuff they have to deal with! I have a new respect for them.. totally.It takes a special person to do what they do. I'm glad I had the experience... I dont think I'm one of those special people. lol.

Jesse's found a new job. He's a car salesman. Yes, he has taken on a job where people think he's sleazy and just a money grubber. But it's the only job that called him back after all the applications he put out. I pray he's good at this, there's good money to be made. He's still in training, not out on the lot yet, but with prayers once he is, he'll do fine at it. He doesnt want to be one of those salesman that no one trusts or thinks he's out to rip them a new one, he just wants to be honest and sell as many cars as he can to help us make a living.

Other than that, we're just hanging in there. Playing powerball faithfully. lol. Maybe one of these days! As for now, I'm looking for another job... and taking care of these three beautiful girlies! And staring around my home that looks like an F-5 tornado tore it up... and trying my best to find the motivation to get up and clean it!

Roll with the Punches

That's what we have to do but sometimes I feel we are fighting with one really big bully! I'm hoping someday Jesse & I can look back and be proud of ourselves for getting through everything that gets thrown our way and surviving in one piece. Jeff finally called Jesse back last night. Money has run out (thanks to a brother that squandered it) and Jeff can't afford any of the help... he doesnt have money for himself... so basically it's, "start looking for something else". Again. Didn't this just happen to us? I swear it did. I keep telling myself things will be okay. We'll get through it. God will pull us through... but there is this human side of my faith. The side that says oh my God we are never going to be okay. We just keep sinking deeper & deepeer into debt. We're at the point where there is no where else to sink to cause we're about out. Then what? I'm praying for a miracle. Wondering what God is wanting us to do. Why this is happening. They say God never closes a door without opening another... but I really wish they would stop slamming shut in our faces. I have to keep faith.. I KNOW God is there. I KNOW he will take care of us & he has a plan for us.There is just that tiny human doubt that tells me to stop kidding myself but I have to get rid of that or it can only get worse. If God is testing my faith he's really doing a good job...
I'm praying for a miracle. I'm going to go play powerball. lol.

And she's off

This morning was a complete 180 from what the past few days have been. Ariel was more than ready to go to school. That was a relief. She woke up, took her shower, ate her breakfast, played her dog's life game, then off to school we went. She looked so darn cute & big with her bookbag. I didnt get many pics.. there werent any other camera happy parents in there so I didnt want to embarrass her... but you can bet I'll get lots when she gets home! Here are the ones I got:

So proud and ready to go! This was right before we left the driveway.

And here is little miss in her classroom. Gosh she's cute! lol.

No tears were shed.. no freak outs... nothing. She was content as can be giving me & her sisters a hug & kiss & then going back to her thing. What a relief!

Clarity, however, did have a bit of a time once we left and got back in the van. "mama Air Air is not in her seat". I explained that Ariel was staying at school & we would see her this afternoon. With that tears came to Clarity's eyes, her arms crossed, and she looks down and says, "I miss my Air Air". I had to distract her or I was going to cry! She hasn't been easy since we've been home. She's bored. And whiney! Hopefully she'll get used to this adjustment soon or I may just go bald from pulling my hair out! I think she needs a nap.

Anyhow all went great getting Ariel to school. I can't wait to go pick her up & hear all about her day!

It's Flying By

naturally the last day with my pumpkin home all day... is going by in a flash. Soon it will be her bedtime. I swear I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. She's nervous, I'm nervous for her. I just keep hoping once we get there her nervousness will turn to excitment & she'll be a-okay having me leave. If she tears up, I'll have to be strong.. I can't show her that I'm nervous or that I just want to keep her home after all.. but I'm sure if it happens, I'll be having a major meltdown as soon as I make it to the van. I just keep telling her she's going to have so much fun that she won't have time to miss me. She'll be making new friends, making me things, & she'll have a ton to talk about when she gets home. And that I can't wait to hear all about it. Tomorrow Ariel will be my little kindergartener. I still can't believe it when I say it.

The girls & I ran to Burger King, had a quick lunch, then took off to walmart to grab a few things. I got miss Emmalyn a pink, princess walker. Now I know the pediatricians say it's best not to use them.. but right now, they can bite it. lol. We don't have stairs & she will always be supervised. I just have to have something to put this baby in where she can follow me around & play at the same time. She hates for me to be out of sight. Kind of hard when I have an entire house to clean kiddo. Maybe now, I can get things done without her hollering about being neglected. lol. The poor, pitiful baby. She cracks me up though... she's too darn cute. she's got this thing with sticking her tongue out.. all the time. And we definately have a mobile one on our hands... you can lay her in the floor and she is on the other side of the room in no time with her rolls & scoots. She's still not sitting up by herself.. she can but she slumps over rather quickly. It's okay.. I'm so not rushing anything. She's going to be in Ariel's shoes and starting her first day of Kindy before I know it!

oh lol I am going on a cruise to Nassau! Yeah I'm so sure! My phone rang and it was some automated man saying if I just answered a 10 question survery, I would recieve two all inclusive cruise boarding passes. Eh, why not? I'm sure there is some catch or some scam... but it only took three minutes so I did it. A cruise director or something is supposed to call me in 72 hours... I would so laugh if this were legit. A girl can dream!

Rain, Rain, Much Needed Rain!

I guess these are the remains of Fay coming down... and I am sooo glad! We have been so dry... and needed this badly for a while! Just as I'm sitting here typing up praises of this rain.. I check the weather bug. My stomach is in knots when I see the county Jesse is working in is under a tornado warning. It says very strong rotation has been associated with the storm and to take shelter now. I think I nearly threw up. I ran to the phone & called and he says it's okay looking where he's at but he heard the sirens going off & that they are about to hit the road to come home. Lord please just let him make it home safe, please! I couldnt believe they were out driving while tornado sirens were sounding. ugh. I could kill him! I'll wait until he gets through this door safe & sound though! As much as that man can drive me crazy, I'd be absolutely lost without him.

We took the girls out for a bit of fun during Jesse's three day weekend (he had Monday off cause his boss was in Virginia). We took them putt putt golfing in Maggie Valley on Sunday and then to the rec. center swimming yesterday. Both were quite an adventure. Emmalyn was good as gold during the golfing... just hung out in her carrier & watched us play. Thank God cause miss Clarity Grace was a MONSTER! She would run all over the green as one of us was trying to play, or go grab the golf ball after we had putted, or jump around and run ahead to the other holes... gah. We tried letting her play but she would rather roll the ball like a bowling ball towards the hole than to use a putter... so we let her play... her way. We got through it.. but it was a bit of a challenge. A funny one though!

The swimming looked fun. I sat in a chair holding Emmalyn while Jesse & the girls swam. They pretty much stayed in the big kiddie area (I think the deepest it got was 2 feet). Before we went I ran into Kmart and found a pair of floaties for Ariel, a swimming vest for Clarity, and the cutest inflatable boat for Emma Girl (even though she didnt use it.. it was on clearance and I figured we may use it later!). The girls had a blast. It was too funny though...Jesse was on one side of the pool letting Ariel and Clarity play. Well Clarity was in like one foot of water but since she had her vest on she was floating and I guess didn't realize she could just stand up. She spies Jesse on the other side and panic hits. she's trying to doggie paddle to him and ends up doing these rolls in the pool. Poor baby, I could tell she was freaking out and thinking she was going to drown. So Jesse rushes over to "save" her and helps her realize all she had to do was put her feet down and she could stand up. LOL. I was rolling. Next summer we definitely need to look into getting swimming lessons for the girls. I pray we're in a better place financially by then & we can do that. We can only pray!

Jesse's on the hunt for another job. This one treats him good and all but there's just a couple of issues we both have. 1. With him being out of town and having to leave so early on the mornings he is home, It's going to be hard if I go to work (and we are at that point where I HAVE to) working out care for the girls. 2. His boss Jeff is planning on moving an hour further away soon so Jesse wouldnt be able to catch a ride and an hour and a half trip to work one way... is so not going to happen. 3. Jesse hates this out of town stuff. He misses the girls & the girls miss him. Shoot.. I miss him. He's going to stay with this until he finds something else. But please say prayers that we both find something great that works for us soon. We need all the thoughts & prayers & good vibes we can get!

Miss Ariel starts school on Thursday. one more day left with my baby home... *sniff*. The anxiety for her is starting to set in. She'll break down into tears out of nowhere and say that she's really going to miss me when she goes. This is different for her & she's scared. I pray it all goes well for her. I also pray she doesnt cry when I take her in. If she does, I'm going to have a heck of a time keeping myself together!

Now that

I posted my little reflective post, it's time for me to post something upbeat & funny. I'm not sure how that's going to play out yet, though. Surely I have something zany or witty to say. Or then.. maybe not!

ooh I got it! However even though I sit here & giggle about it... you may not. It may just be one of those "you had to be there" things. I'm not sure. Anyhow.. on with the story...

Last night Jesse did his usual goodnight call (sucks to only get to talk to him for a few minutes once a day!). well he talked to me, then Ariel, then Clarity. Well as Clarity was saying her I love you, sweet dreams stuff... she stops & before she says goodbye tells her daddy he needs to talk to Emmalyn. So I get the phone and ask him if he wants me to put it up to her ear and of course he would never say no to that. So I do & I hear him start talking to her. Her head jerks over and looks at me with these huge eyes and her mouth wide open. Her face was priceless... like "what is going on?!". It isn't two seconds before she realizes, "hey that's my daddy". she had been quiet as a mouse the whole time me & the girls were on the phone... in fact she was drifting off to sleep. Not anymore! She started smiling and making all these noises.. kicking her feet.. squealing. I couldnt stop laughing! It took me a good while to settle her back down after we hung up.

Jesse is coming home this afternoon. He told me it may be early too.. so woohoo!! The girls & I have missed him lots this week. We'll be so glad when he comes through that door!

So I was on myspace

and I went & checked in on Steven Curtis Chapman's page. Somehow doing this made me go to his website and I can't believe it's been 3 months since his daughter, Maria, was killed. Even more of a reminder about how fast life passes by. I would have thought it has only been a couple of weeks. I'm sure it feels like an eternity for them, though. I'll be keeping them in my prayers, for sure.

It's hard not to get wrapped up in everyday life... housework, cooking, errands... but this is a reminder to me that everyday is a gift. I thank God for my babies and for all the time he's blessed me with them. I pray I have many, many more years & years with them but I'm going to do my best to love them and hug them and kiss them as if I won't.

Isn't it beautiful? Thank you Kristy!!

I could not ask for more

She cracks me up!

Nancy.. some of her blog entries are just gold. She had one up about commercials and what is hilarious (to me anyways) is the exact commercial that she wrote about (an eharmony one where the husband and wife look related)... I've had the same thoughts as I was watching it! Then I read her comments and Misty hit on another one of the other commericals that just gets on my nerves.. the lovely time in a bottle allergy medication one. Now what bothers me about that one is the girl says "They should put that in the ingredients... 2 hours you didnt have before". That just really gets on my nerves because an ingredient is something that makes up the medication. You having more time is not a part of it. That's more along the lines of the purpose section not the ingredients. But that's just my thinking. lol. So yeah I got a good laugh last night reading the musings of these girls. Cause they are so right on! And though I have never seen the fruit arrangement commercial nancy talked about... I sure had a giggle!

Isnt it Ironic?

How when you pay a company they can take that money right out of your bank account... but when you cancel... it takes forever to get that money back. I had to cancel the whole charter internet/phone deal. Another tech showed up unexpectedly today and he said he couldn't do it because he couldn't ground the cables. Whatever. I'm so over this. lol. So I just called and I will be getting a full refund, however they issue a check and it takes three weeks. Why can't they just put the money they took out right back in? Oh well. Charter sucks. Now I know. I did place an order for AT&T to come out and do the phone and internet thing. We will see how that goes. I'm not paying a penny in advance. Lesson learned.

Ariel's teacher & her assistant came over for the home visit today. They are both so sweet and I think this home visit thing is an awesome idea. Ariel is looking forward to going to school and is more at ease. I got my questions answered and I'm feeling better myself. She starts school August 28th.

Jesse is MIA this week. He left this morning & won't be coming home until Friday evening. I started missing him last night knowing he was leaving this morning. He misses us.. we miss him. It's not too bad when he only has to spend a couple of nights.. but when it's nearly a week.. I realize he does more around here than I give him credit for!

Visitation Night

Well we visited Ariel's classroom this afternoon... and honestly I dont know how she's going to find it! I'll have to ask her teacher this when she comes over for the home visit tomorrow. The school is pretty big and the kindergarten/first grade wing is way in the back. But I'm sure Emiley will walk Ariel to her class since they will be just a few doors down from eachother. That makes me feel better. Hopefully Ariel isn't as geographically challenged as her mother! Ariel flip flops on how she feels about going to school. Some days she's excited & can't wait... others she says she'll miss me and she's not ready. She'll be fine. I'm worried about ME. Where have the past five and a half years gone?! I still can't believe next week I'll have a kindergartener. Seems so surreal.

I am fuming with Charter..which is who I am scheduled to get my phone and internet with tomorrow. My installation date was Aug. 19th between 5-7 pm. About 20 minutes before we leave to go to Ariel's open house... a charter tech pulls up. He says he's here to hook up my phone. I asked if he was here to do the internet too and that they didnt even tell me he was coming.. that I wasnt scheduled for anything until tomorrow & they were supposed to do both. He said his work order only had him scheduled for doing the phone and that if he did the phone and another tech did the internet, I'd have to pay two installation charges. Um. no. I already paid them $110 and haven't gotten anything installed yet! So he calls his dispatch and explains the situation.. that I'm leaving & I was supposed to have everything done tomorrow... and they tell him my account is now on hold. So who knows when I'll get it. I love how my installation date is on hold when it hasn't even gotten here yet. I sent them an email stating how unhappy I am. I hope to hear back! ugh! Aggrivating.

Well I better get to work cleaning and getting ready for that home visit with Ms. Wilson tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes! Oh you know that office I've been saying for months that I needed to organize? It's clean! I spent ALL day on it yesterday. Shredding papers, unpacking boxes, clearing the 'catch all' room out. I can't believe it's done. And NO help from my husband. Well I guess he did help.. he kept the kids out of my hair & let me get it done.. my way. And I got a massage as a thank you for doing it alone.. soooo... he redeemed himself. lol.

Still no word

from Walmart but I'm assuming since I signed papers & got sent out for a drug test... I'm hired. My drug test didnt get sent away until Monday.. so I'm going to call Walmart by next Monday if I hadnt heard from them by then.

Jesse is in Spartanburg until Saturday evening. I hate having him gone. I hate even more that I am *ahem* jealous... Did I just say that? I believe I did! They are great to him.. I'm glad. They pay for him to eat out... he gets put up in a Marriot (because the boss' sister works for them.. he gets the guys great rooms). Jesse gets to soak it up kid free in a jacuzzi. He says he gets so homesick though and misses the girls like crazy. I believe him. I can't go a day without my girls even though some days I feel a trip to a padded room would be enough to make me happy! lol. But we miss him.. lots & lots!

I'm going to feed the girls some dinner & then I might go over and see Lisa and Stevie. She had the baby today at 2:57 pm. He weighed... 10 lbs 8 oz!! Big Boy!! But all is well and I'm looking foward to meeting him. I'll post more in a bit.. dinner is cooking.